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Kundalini Mistake - Consequences and Learnings

topic posted Sun, January 6, 2008 - 3:46 PM by  ananth
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To err is human, to admit is divine...

This is hard to talk about, but here it is. A few years ago, a very lovely Californian blonde in her early 40s requested me to coach her on the esoteric mysteries of kundalini, its arousal, and awakening. She wanted me to help her unleash the energy through the classical tantric ways using a variety of sensual and sexual methods. She was married, and so I felt it would be highly inappropriate for me to use the sexual approach to kundalini movement. So, I declined.

She was very persuasive, very intent, and gosh darn it, very attractive. So I finally agreed to awaken all the energy latent in her, but through the most secret of all of tantric methods, one that is usually never talked about, written about, and whose use is not looked at kindly by the Goddess - yes, Sarpa Tantra - the path of the serpent. This is the non-sexual (no intercourse) tantric approach that arises awakens and moves the kundalini wherever you want in less than 5 minutes - the time it takes to get a non-fat, single shot, decaf latte at Starbucks. The method is conceptually extremely simple - the awakener (me), embodies, models, and personifies the kundalini energy of the awakened one (her), and systematically moves through each chakra physically. As I act the part of the serpent, breathing, hissing, coiling, and striking each chakra forcefully, her energy also gets the cue and moves, and soon her body starts to shake under the assault of my modeling the serpentine kundalini, and her own kundalini rising to mimic me. It is extremely fast, extremely powerful, and extremely dangerous to directly awaken the energy.

Needless to say, I took the kundalini all the way beyond the Ajna chakra between the eyebrows and into her head. She was shuddering and said the experience was more incredible than any sex she had ever had, and it put her in a state of mind she had never been before. I felt good, and I told her that I had unleashed her great psychic energy, and it was her responsibility to take the energy safely and do good and wonders to this world. I asked her to meditate, and then left the place.

What I had not realized was that I had put great power in her hands when she was ill equipped to handle the energy, channel it in peaceful ways, and transform the great power into happiness for others. She had all the intent, but had no practice or knowhow to do any of it. The consequences were very painful as I later found out. Her sexual appetite had grown a thousand fold causing her to create deep fissures in her marriage, and her focus in her professional life had suffered. Her health, especially her digestion and stomach were totally shot, and she was in an extremely precarious condition. Her marriage was on the rocks, and she was on the verge of a total breakdown.

When I finally met her, she squarely blamed her condition, mental, physical, emotional, familial, and sexual all on me. She said 'Ananth, it is all your fault. Even if I had begged you to release my kundalini, you should not have, especially in the most direct approach you used. What happened to your sense of responsibility? Why did not suggest some gentle incremental approach, but used an approach that even the books ban?"

I agreed with her. It was my fault. I had not gauged where she was in a spiritual sense, and in my eagerness to show her the extent of her own energy, and in a desire to perhaps impress her with my ability to awaken and move her kundalini in an instant, I had erred in a very serious way. Despite my belief in my own evolution, it was obvious that when an attractive woman asked me to move her energy far beyond where it should have gone, I succumbed to my male desire to impress her, and just picked up her kundalini and just tossed it around. It ended up causing her great havoc, and her family great trouble.

So I became more convinced that the tools I know, love, and use, were just not the right ones for most of this world. I also felt poorly that despite my own strength and sense of integrity, a beautiful woman had just made to do things that as a teacher I would have frowned upon. Sarpa Tantra will probably die with me, similar to how the five point palm exploding heart technique dies with Pai Mei in Kill Bill 2. The world is better off without people using tools of tantra to cause mental and sexual havoc in othes. Being generous, kind, and loving to all can take one to everyplace we need to go, and we can dispense with the tantric mumbo jumbo entirely.

I kept this to myself, and became very reluctant to teach anybody, but I thought that this is an important experience in my life that perhaps has lessons for some. So I decided to share. Flame me if you want, blame me if you want. I think I deserve all of it.

- Ananth Tantri
posted by:
ananth
SF Bay Area
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  • Unsu...
     
    Dear Friend & Seeker of Truth-
    How noble that you take responsibility for your actions. Brother please do not be too hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for what you have done or feel you meant to do. Ah, the beauty of humanity & divine influence of shiva/shakti-woman/man alchemy. This is great learning for everyone.

    In this auspicious new year my friends & I started by studying & focusing on the Yamas of Yoga (see below). Perhaps reading them will give you peace of your intentions. Reading my blog on my profile may help as well. I had a wild ride too after my experience. Has your friend asked for help or direction? Sending her peace & blessings. Please tell her about the support & love here.
    With Compassion-Davie Ji

    "Yamas:
    There are many interpretations of and opinions about the yamas, the yamas as described in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra are only five, which are also known as the great universal vows or the sarvabhauma maha vratas, because they are not limited by either class, creed, time or circumstances. They are the guidelines for how we interact with the outer world, the social disciplines to guide us in our relationships with others. These five are:

    • Ahimsa (non-violence),
    • Satya (truthfulness),
    • Asteya (non-stealing),
    • Brahmacharya (celibacy) and
    • Aparigraha (non-covetousness)

    According to the Yajnavalkya Samhita, ahimsa or non-violence is the awareness and practice of non-violence in thought, speech and action. It advocates the practices of compassion, love, understanding, patience, self-love, and worthiness.

    Patanjali describes truthfulness as: "To be in harmony with mind, word and action, to conduct speech and mind according to truth, to express through speech and to retain it in the intellect what has been seen, understood or heard." A perfectly truthful person is he who expresses in his speech exactly what he thinks in his mind and in the end acts according to it.

    Non-stealing or asteya is the third constituent of the yamas of Ashtanga Yoga. It upholds forgoing the unauthorized possession of thought, speech and action. Asteya stands against covetousness and envy. It advocates the cultivation of a sense of completeness and self-sufficiency in order to progress beyond base cravings.

    The Vedas, Smritis and Puranas all glorify the fourth constituent of celibacy. It is believed to be a behavior, which brings man nearer to the Divine. This yama believes in avoiding all sensual pleasures, whether mental, vocal or physical.

    The literal meaning of apigraha, the fifth yama, is the non-accumulation of worldly objects, caused by covetousness and attachment. The commentator Vyasa says that this last state of yama is attained when one remains totally detached from sensual pleasures of all kinds and so effectively refrains from committing himsa or violence of any sort."
    www.lifepositive.com/Body/yo...yoga.asp

    More Information: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yamas
    • Thank you for your kind words. Writing about one's success and worst mistakes is sometimes cathartic and leads to healing. I thank you for your support.

      - Ananth Tantri
      • Unsu...
         
        Ah yes, I've been there. After my Shaktipat experience I felt crazy & ungrounded. It took attention & mindfulness of myself inspired by supportive friends. My beloved at the time helped me understand the wave of emotion. Unfortunately, the intensity of the experience was confusing & eventually drove us apart. I believe she saw me in emotional passionate insecure ways. Brilliant painful learnings, I have much reverence & gratitude for. It is difficult to express in words what one experiences during Kundalini awakenings & I imagine it seems like craziness & confusion to people who love & honor us. Not a day goes by that I do not think about the impact on my life or those around me. It is life changing & the ebbs & flow are transformational. In the end, it shapes our destiny.
        Peace-
        • Unsu...
           
          The most important thing in personal growth is ability
          to accept that we are not perfect.
          That perfection doesn't exist actually,
          and that we are making mistakes in the process
          of maturation.

          To accept mistake, to take it as learning experience, to integrate it
          and not repeat it,
          is wise human attitude.

          Thanks for sharing it.
  • I disagree that you are completely to blame. The woman is a consenting adult who needs to own up to her part and not blame you for her decision.
    • Unsu...
       
      Peace & understanding is the 1st step. Recognizing & taking responsibility for ourself in this human experience.
      • Unsu...
         
        I agree Davie and

        the most important in helping professions is to learn to say NO - to some clients
        and to some friends too, when they ask for help.
        We are not able to help everybody, and somewhere, on deepest levels of our intuition we feel when things can go on wrong,
        and whom to say NO. Nor everybody is ready to receive help in certain moment.
        It is important to give ourselves that permission - to REFER person to someone else when needy.
        • Unsu...
           
          "Peace & understanding is the 1st step. Recognizing & taking responsibility for ourself in this human experience."

          Yes, to help that woman to move forward toward an authentic existence, help her go beyond the level of awareness in her present quest for self-expression, to make full use of her life and reach a new spiritual horizon is a task which cannot be achieved alone or in isolation. It involves both an unlearning and a relearning. Change and growth does not usually happen in an orderly fashion. Setting the climate is extremely important. Where does she go from here? What has been done is done. What does she hope to accomplish with this experience and how can she move on, includes an examination of why her conditions are the way they are.

          Through referral to appropriate humanitarian recourses we can help to move her beyond her present level and apparent lack of awareness. In this way she is not left stranded. If we are unable to help her ourselves we can support her to find help. Only under the right circumstance can she even think to "take responsibility", if she is in a state of trauma. It is crucial and humanitarian to not leave this woman stranded. Put more emphasis on getting her to act constructively, rather than simply increasing awareness is indicated.



  • hi, Ananth --

    I think it's a great story, albeit with an unfortunate consequence to the lady in question.

    to me, it underscores several points and major lessons:

    1. Western people have ZERO idea about proper spirituality, and how to attain high energy states in a step-by-step, gradual way that guarantees they won't flip out, lose the energy (by not being able to hold and digest it), or mistreat the divine in themselves in an impatience to 'reach a goal'. people need to understand that they can't command or demand a divine experience per se -- the backlash, as the lady in your story no doubt observed, is a tidal wave in that kind of case.

    2. you showed her a technique, you said -- but I would suggest it's an illusion that 'you' per se did anything other than that. you, Ananth, didn't personally cause her kundalini energy to move -- if the divine weren't agreeable to that experience happening in that woman's energy system, no way it would happen. sure, you were an actor in a lila orchestrated as a complicated result of this woman's impatience, her demands to have a certain kind of experience, her karma, your karma, and the overall lesson of what happens if kama (desire) rules the day. but that's it -- the whole thing is the play of the divine in both of your lives.

    3. thinking that You, per se, Ananth, are responsible, then, is a super-dangerous point. it's a kind of egoism -- an identification with yourself as the individual self you think you are. if you sign on to the idea that you, personally, did this to this woman, rather than that god, acting through you, played out a certain drama, then you take on the full karmic load of what happened, and her blame, and everything. NOT a good idea.

    4. since you're only an actor in god's drama here, it's much more sensible -- I mean in a divine sense -- to accept that you played a role, that this lady played a role, and that ultimately god is the only one who is responsible, and who receives any credit or blame for whatever actions occurred.

    5. techniques to move energy through the body in such a fashion are not a smart area to pursue unless you're a fully enlightened master, free from kama (desire) and the effects of karma (action to reaction). otherwise, stuff like this tends to happen. and techniques that lead to this kind of experience, in my experience, are a dime a dozen. not to denigrate whatever you've learned -- but how much does it bring people, truly, closer to god and their own divine nature, in a lasting fashion???????? mostly what I observe in this kind of work is that people can't handle the increased kama (desire) that comes from mis-handling the sexual energy/kundalini transformation and then they crash and burn on their desires. as this lady undoubtedly did.

    6. her throwing all of her blame on you tells you precisely what kind of a spiritual maturity she has. practically none. to push you to show her something -- big mistake on her part, anyway -- and then to blame you for the results is ridiculous.

    7. your suggesting that the techniques you know and love aren't appropriate for this world is also kind of an extreme statement. techniques that touch high energy are appropriate when they're appropriate -- but really are best left in the hands of enlightened masters. if you're coming from a place of some egoism -- even if your intentions, superficially, are pure, then of course a high-energy tool is going to become a high divine slap in your face.

    8. kundalini means, the Mother Divine energy. it's a powerful creation energy -- and it's also a powerful mirror. that is the Mother's nature -- She is, on one hand, an innocent mirror, an amplified reflection, to us of whatever junk we're carrying that prevents us from perceiving our true divine nature (which is also partly Her). playing with kundalini means inviting Her input into your life, and She is tougher than nails -- because Her only desire is to answer the call of the souls who want to wake up, who want liberation, who want to know Her in Her totality, not in one narrow way, and to receive the real enlightenment, not a five-minute jolt to the system.

    9. so, karmically, the demanding lady got a massive slap -- in her whole life -- from the Mother. her desires increased, (duh -- coulda seen that one coming from a mile away), so she wreaked havoc in her relationship, professional life, physical health, etc. that's a pretty big slap -- a big wake-up call from the Mother NOT to rough-handle the Mother's energy. ever. hope that lady paid attention and realized the damage she'd brought onto herself.

    10. and karmically, you may have learned a big lesson about what people can and can't handle, and what they can be exposed to, and can't. hopefully you'll think twice the next time before allowing a beautiful woman to talk you into something like that, no matter how great you think the technique you know is. that a beautiful woman is all it took to get you to play in that arena tells me that your own kama (desire) level is precarious, and too high, really, to be messing around with kundalini without an intense backlash, coming to you one way or another as a kind of soul slap from the Mother Divine.

    I'm glad you shared this -- it's a huge wake-up call to anyone who thinks that kundalini experiences are casual, easy things or that a few good techniques can make someone an expert in how it operates.

    I hope that what I have to say -- won over many years of intense experiences (including something like what you're describing) and spiritual hard work -- is of some value to you and others in this discussion. I don't mean to sound harsh, but there is so much Illusion around these kinds of issues, and so much misunderstanding, that it's important to be direct and clear and cut through some of the fog about how these mechanisms operate.

    I also hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you're feeling better about the experience, over all, and more detached since some time has passed since it happened and since you've shared it with this group -- and that you'll stop, really stop, beating yourself up for what occurred a few years ago. it happened for a lot of important reasons and karma-washing -- and you really didn't create the situation there.

    namaste,

    Alx





    • Alx,
      1: Are you not Western people? Though, I guess I'm not Western... and I was trained by two ancient lineages, one Yogic (Avadhutta) and other Sufi from Iran. I've met quite a few amazing Western people who are quite "proper".

      2: Though in your personal experience it seems not possible to force your will and make another human being's Kundalini rise, it is in fact possible; though not every is trained and has attained capacity for this. There was a time that I thought having the Kundalini Siddhi was what I thought the greatest gift; it was transferred to me by my Yogi teacher; I was his only student trained in this. I recall sitting at a restaurant and noticing a woman on the next table over is just talking non-step and is not present... her energy, loud voice was even disturbing to the people she was talking to. Without even looking at her, forceably I willed her Kundalini up high enough that she would increase her consciousness. Immediately she stopped talking, became aware of herself. It is not until the "heart opening" happens that your "will power" begins working in unity with ... well unity... in unity with unity :-)

      Actually, it's not even just Kundalini that is easy to control. Most people are not even capable of containing their own energy, their energy is scattered all around them, outside of them. It's quite easy having this awareness to take their energy, play with it, manipulate it etc. This is the truth. Luckily, most folks who have this awareness/ability (myself included) have no intention of ever harming another person. It actually seems to me, the more aware we are, the less we ever harm or manipulate anyone. The less we know, the more damage to others and ourselves we do. The most dangerous is the common man, and the safest are the "sorcerers" (a paraphrase from Carlos Castenada).

      There was only two situations where I was unable to rise someone's Kundalini...
      1.) A homeless person who seemed to have been really messed up, mentally ill. When I tried to rise this person's Kundalini it would begin taking strange paths and wouldn't go straight up. So I did not put effort further as it didn't seem safe.
      2.) When a person has truly realized their own energy. It is no longer power to manipulate their energy. I had the chance to try this theory by working with another person who was also Awakened. He told me when I tried to rise his energy, he felt a shift in his consciousness, his eye-sight changed and began to see more energy. Though, I could clearly feel that the whole time he had control over his own energy, it was just that he was allowing me to do this. This could be related to allowing yourself to dream, though at any moment you can wake up from it.

      3: It seems you still have concepts about God. All those concepts about God, Soul, Ego... they are all constructed of Ego (a paraphrase from Ramana Maharshi's 40 verses). And, it is quite important to understand the quality of Individual Will, Individual-Self-Truth. Without this, there can be no health. While at the ground of consciousness is just consciousness and nothing else, out of this, we have all emerged as individual creations/beings/expressions of Source. And we each have been given a degree of energy/will to do with it what we want. And yes, indeed it is quite possible to do things which may be against the flow of Creator consciousness, there will indeed be whiplash afterwards and shortage of grace given afterwards, though yes, you can use the energy you have to do what you want with it. How do you think there was concentration camps? Did you know there are secret cults which practice killing small animals and children using their kundalini energy? Did you know these groups even exist here in the USA? Waking up to "non-duality" means you'd have to embrace the full darkness as well, and there's quite a but unknown within this darkness, though it benefits no one to just go on assuming all is happy and for greater good; reality check.


      4: God, Soul, Ego are all fictional comic book concepts. The Real is quite difficult to describe, in short, nothing is what you think it is. It is just Awareness, out this all is happening. Through stages of expansion of the Individual consciousness (Samadhi) different aspects of consciousness come to be experiences, each of these aspects (degree of expansion) becomes called some name for "God". Here's an example, once the mind's full identity has become disassociated, the consciousness of the individual begins expanding to the furthest reaches of emptiness to experience the soul of emptiness. In this soul/source of emptiness, I could clearly perceive if there is anything called God, this is the end of it... and this perception of God didn't care if existence was or was not... when our universe looked no less than a particle, what I be in that? So first realization, God doesn't care, second one, there is no such a thing as death... NirviKalpa Samadhi is this; this expansion can be called the Shiva mind. Later, the individual consciousness begins gradually returning... no point to stay that expanded once you realized what you needed. Once consciousness contracts to the limits of existence/creation, all of a sudden the realization that "I AM HE" emerges, they called this "Brahma Vidya" and all of a sudden, you begin to know the nature and character of Brahman or "Creator God" as this stage of expansion actually cares for the overall welfare of creation, and when the individual is at this state of expansion, all his actions are in accordance/harmony with the whole creation. Just the same way, it is possible to focus consciousnesses in myriad of ways.


      5: Alx, you are talking about what's a good idea to do or not do unless you are a "Enlightened Master"... would you not say this is only something an Enlightened Master should be saying? And do you think it would apply if you would just quote an Enlightened Master said if you personally didn't have the same realization? Also, being "free from karma and kama" doesn't mean you are not in them and hit by them... it is just that you have the spaciousness and the non-attachment to act freely as you will, it doesn't mean that once you act freely, you might not get a stone coming back and hitting you in the head. Though, likely you may find a way to also avoid the stone coming to your head knowing that it was headed to your head by perhaps putting up an astral projection of your self, and then attaching that being to earth and the sun so that it has its own supply of energy from you, and then un-attaching your own energy from this astral projection (hence having just created an entity to take on that one karma for you).... things are not what they seem... the whole Creation is all "smoke and mirrors" called Maya... if you know that, you can play with mirrors too.


      6: no response

      7: no response

      8: Another "mis concept" thinking Kundalini is female... you see, first when She rises, it is "female", when she returns back down to embodiment, it is Shiva. Though, once Kundalini has merged the male and female, the third Kundalini rises... this is the no-sex SilverSilk Great White Cobra.... ahh do you even dare look at its eyes :-) though even this perception of Kundalini leaves when consciousness merges with this too, and eventually we transcend beyond this to Being... all these games of Duality do come to an end


      9: no response

      10: Ahh desire, so long as we have body, the body does have desire. Though the body's desire is quite different when the body is also free from the mind! How long we shrived to free our sense of self from the mind... it's quite a new level of "enlightenment" when the body is also finally free from the tyrant mind... mind is just a tool.. I'm ignoring it most of the time... sometimes it is shut off for hours and I have to "boot it back up" to get some work done. The body will have desire even if it is free from mind. Just let the body be, and watch when a beautiful woman approaches with interest.... it is chemical... though one is free, sex is still happening... it just seems kind of interesting spectacle sometimes... and then it is done... from the mind's perspective, it looks quite strange how sex and desire are happening once mind is no longer chairmen of the board of directors.




      Kundalini experiences... at some point we are done playing with these things. It's not that they are not there, it's just that it doesn't matter, the whole process is happening, in the background.

      Alx, you wrote "I don't mean to sound harsh, but there is so much Illusion around these kinds of issues, and so much misunderstanding, that it's important to be direct and clear and cut through some of the fog about how these mechanisms operate."

      I say the very same ... "I don't mean to sound harsh, but there is so much Illusion around these kinds of issues, and so much misunderstanding, that it's important to be direct and clear and cut through some of the fog about how these mechanisms operate."



      I really do not think "Ananth" is beating himself up for this... why is it that I see so many people responding to him sensing this in responses on other tribes? Does it even matter if he is beating himself up or not? Is it not the point to just share, and through this sharing we are all sharpening our awareness and developing the "art of being"?


      not sure to whom... not sure if that matters... not sure, I'm fully sure of not being sure
      though anyhow, Namasteh




      • hi, Ramiel --

        by "Western" I meant, awkwardly enough, people who haven't been initiated into the Eastern traditions or understand them. the lady in the story was Western in the sense of "I want an experience, I want it now, I'll do anything to get it, I don't care about any consequences, and I am determined to have this experience regardless of whatever might be good for me."

        my experience with Americans in particular is that unless they've done hard sadhana, and removed themselves from the New Age culture that California bred and spread across the US, they think that enlightenment is something you can attain while in line at Starbucks. "oh, can I just get the information over lunch?" uh, no.

        I wasn't suggesting that all Western people are clueless, my bad. and, yes, I'm Western by birth but keep forgetting it after years in India.

        re: Ananth beating himself up --
        "Flame me if you want, blame me if you want. I think I deserve all of it. "

        I don't think he deserves blame, flame, etc. it's a great story and a huge cautionary tale, and he's being beautiful and frank to tell it so openly. for people to blame him for something that happened a few years ago and think that he's somehow 'responsible' for what happened, and should still BE blamed or flamed for it after years have gone by -- that doesn't seem right to me. that's what I was referencing. it does indeed sound to me like he's beating himself up, in several points during his post.

        I'm suggesting that it's a waste of time -- if the lesson's learned, don't repeat the mistake and keep moving forward. that's all.

        Alx