Yes, please. I am curious.

Does yor son know that you nearly gave him up?
how does he feel about it, if yes?

My daughter went through an open adoption.
She lost a few friends because they did not agree with her decision.
She picked the perfect couple.... she felt very strongly that it was always their baby, she was just the instument to bring him here.
She misses him terribly, she has an open invitation to visit with him but she says it hurts too much.... she has had three miscarriages in the last year and half and she may never have a baby of her own, (it's an RH problem with her and her husband) which breaks her heart.

If you are being chosen by a mom, be yourselves, remember if it is meant to be, the experience will be like my daughters - that the baby was really meant to be yours.

ditto here

Hun i can tell you your birthmother WANTS to know if you are ok. i say this because I am one. I waner every day if i made the right choice if my baby hates me for what i did. If my baby will ever forgive me for not being around. IF you do really want to ease her pain andi garentee it is there. I have a few tips. And i can go on and on but i wont unless you ask

My mother was adopted, twice got the address for her birth mother, and threw it away. Being the grand daughter, I don't have a choice on the matter.
I was never close with my adopted grandparents. Grandpa died when I was two, and Grandma was already raving and delirious by the time I came into my teens. She was not fun to visit, necessarily.

I feel spiritually very close to my birth grandmother, like I may look like her(I am the only redhead in my family), but I've lost hope that we might meet. Mom says she supports me finding her, but she doesn't actually help or encourage. she gave me all the paperwork, but if felt alot like her shunting the burden.

Because of my mom ending up not feeling that blood was very important, she did not really conduct herself wisely in regards to me and my sisters parentage. My illeged birth father(no blood test possible) is a man who is married to someone else(his wife doesn't know about me), and he's terrified of acknowledging me in case I want his *other* daughter's inheritance money.
My sister's birth father is unknown.

Since I was a teenager I knew I wanted to adopt. I've never had maternal urgings (31 now..) and even when I do, I move the feelings into an arena around how many kids are already here, that need love, families and homes.I've always wanted it, and it's been very, very hard to have a relationship since I am 80% convinced that having a kid in this day and age is selfish. I have no judgement of women who have children, or are pregnant. But for those considering, I wish they would consider adopting.


I've been studying cultural evolution on my private time for over 8 years now. I meet with a discussion group of (mostly) men, and we argue over how to save the world. But they are very cerebral, and sometimes get caught up in bitching about The Bush Administration. He sucks, it's true, but he's not the only thing.

Anyway.

I guess I wanted to say to Michelle thank you, for sharing that. It's fascinating for me to hear about the human spirit, especially when it comes to family.
And lastly, I read a book about adoption in New Zealand. It was a study of 200 moms who gave up their children in open, partway, or closed adoption cases, and were later interviewed about the experience.

Every single one said they wished they knew how their children had turned out, and knew the birthday, every year, of the child they may or may not have seen again.

The study worked also at re-uniting those who wanted to be together again. That book had me in floods.

Thanks for sharing, Cat.

I wonder, what do people think about couples who wish to adopt who COULD have their own?

I do have a want to have my own children. I want to have the experience of giving childbirth and creating a life from me, and someone I love dearly. Of course the idea scares the crap out of me, I still have the want. And being so young, I wonder if those thoughts will fade. Those of you who want to adopt, when you were younger did you have more maternal feelings, and slowly as you grew up, your opinions on childbirth changed? I've thought about it quite often actually.