Talking SCA Barbie

topic posted Fri, February 1, 2008 - 7:50 AM by  Unsubscribed
Saw this posted elsewhere (don't know the original source), and thought it was too good not to share:
New from MATTEL:

Barbie has been everywhere, and done everything... almost. Now she's getting into the newest craze:

Medieval Recreation. Yes, Barbie is joining the SCA. The new Talking SCA Barbie will give your youngster minutes of fun, and teach her nothing about history whatsoever.

Talking SCA Barbie comes complete with tavern wench outfit, including a skirt made from old feast tablecloths, a chemise that barely covers, a hand-tooled lace up leather bodice, and an extra-long Norman sword belt, which can hold every accessory that you can purchase for her.

Currently available accessories:
glass-bottom fake pewter mug (or the same in the deluxe model, inscribed “Hillsboro Oktoberfest, 1978”)
foot-long “eating knife”
leather pouch with genuine Celtic fairy tooled on it (available in black, green, and fluorescent pink)
genuine polyester gabardine half circle cloak, with or without hood
sleigh bells
fox tail (just like Eleanor of Aquitaine used to wear)
garage sale necklace, bracelet, and ring set
veil, which can be held on with the optional decorative chain mail coif
unread copies of Kingdom newsletter (Kingdom of your choice)
83 different event and feast tokens

And here's what she says!
"Hello, Sir Knight (giggle)"
"I don't like her, she's mean."
"Fighters smell bad."
"I want to be Queen."
"Research is hard."
"I'll find someone to carry that, Your Majesty."
"It's period...I saw it in a movie."
"Courts are boring."
"It's all about the Dream!"
"There's nothing to DO!"

Barbie's not going into the Knowne Worlde alone. Oh no, she's convinced Ken to come along. Being a manly sort, Ken goes in for the combative arts. Yes, your child will get moments of pleasure reenacting historical tournaments, just like in A Knight's Tale!

Ken comes with ratty T-tunic, jeans, sneakers, and a belt from the thrift store. But just like Barbie, that's just the beginning.

The following accessories are available:
Combat kit, comes with:
o Genuine blue plastic armor (with a sticker on the front that says, "EZ Wash Detergent")
o Barrel helm from old Polidor pattern, made by his buddy who welds a bit
o rattan sword with basket hilt that was made when freon cans were legal
o authentic wood-grain shield
o duffle bag
Combat upgrade kit, comes with:
o combat boots
o sweatpants
o polearm that looks like a lint brush
o duct tape
o ball peen hammer
5 foot long sword from the Bud K catalog
ice bucket that looks like a tankard
Thor's hammer necklace
16 different styles of belt favor (collect ‘em all)

"I should be a Knight."
"I could beat him."
"He's a rhinohide."
"There's other Peerages?"
"A shiny new helm will make me fight better."
"A&S is for wimps."
"She's cute, I'll make her Queen."
"I'll duct tape that back on."
"Rapier isn't real fighting."
"He doesn't take blows."
"See my new bruise."
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