Living incongruently is killing you David. I know that I don't want to create . . . I have to.. so do you.

Your suffering comes from the misalignment. The discrepency between your truth and your actions. That's why you roam around at night. . . you're desiring your time.
Everything will fall into place when you love yourself. In fact, others will love you in turn. You can be the beacon showing them how to love themselves. Living in vibrant love is possible David. You just have to believe it. You have to take th leap. No one can do it for you.
For love is all there is,