Honey, I think every hooper has that sometimes. Do you remember my article on Cultivating Non-Comparison? Here is a link to it again: people.tribe.net/caroleeen...2ceab44a45

I wrote that as a gentle reminder that we do ourselves a dis-service when we compare ourselves negatively to others but also to remind us not to compare ourselves with our past or future self. People say, "But I used to be able to hoop as a kid" or "I'll never be able to do that" or "One day when I can do this" or "One day when I lose this weight." Or a myriad of other things that are unhealthy for us because they not only dis-courage us, take our courage away that we need to do better and be better and to grow, but they take us out of Now, which is where our power lies. The moment that we can affect change is Now -- not in the past, not in some imaginary future. Be Here Now. Be in your body not in your head. Be in your breath. Be.

You are a beautiful woman and a beautiful hoopdancer. You, like everyone, have room to grow and thank god. If we didn't, life would be so boring. But, on another, higher, level, please know that you are perfect now, the culmination of an entire life's worth of experience, a unique and beautiful soul unlike any other. You would not judge anyone else as harshly as you judge yourself. Why is that? Do you love them more?

I have a friend who got a brain tumor at 25. While on the table having surgery for it, she had a stroke. She had to relearn to walk, to talk, to read and write. But she has. I'm not saying it hasn't been a struggle but she's come a long way and she is still getting better. And one of her greatest strengths is that she never focuses on what she "used to be able to do". She focuses on what she is doing right now. That's what I encourage you to do now. It is what will give you the strength to move forward.

And know this, if you don't realize that you are beautiful and supple and charismatic and artistic -- you will realize it one day, in looking back. I have yet to meet anyone who, as they aged, did not come to the realization that they were more beautiful and athletic and cooler than they ever realized in their younger years. The thing is, if you don't realize it until your golden years, you piss away these years with self-loathing AND then you have regret in your golden years on top of everything else. If you must look into the future, tap into your 80 year old self and see your current self through her eyes.

Seeing yourself on video is intimidating for e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e! The camera adds weight and it doesn't begin to capture our multi-dimensionality. Plus, you have the added burden of feeling self-conscious in front of the camera. So here's what I do, if you have a camera that has a one hour tape, hit "Record" and let it go. If you only dance to one song, of course you're going to have performance anxiety or at least an awareness that makes you self-conscious. Plus, you're not even warmed up yet. Let it record til you forget about it. It's usually not your first recording that you'll love. Almost never. But the one that happens down the road when you've forgotten the camera, those are where the gems are. Remember, you don't have to share or even like every single video of yourself. Pick your favorite and hit "Delete" on all the others.

I hope some of this has given you comfort. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. You'd see a beautiful, sexy woman who moves beautifully and powerfully and who looks lovely in her hoop and in her dance. Period.

I love this song and I thought you might get a kick out of it:
www.youtube.com/watch

Adrienne, I think Carolyn has said everything in her reply... but I wanted to chime in only to say that I get it. I am struggling with a lot of the same things right now. I go back and forth with thinking hoop videos are a good thing for me. I LOVE everyone else's (and without them, i would never have learned how to hoop) and they continually provide me with inspiration and a feeling of closeness with my hoop family when i can't see them in person. On the flip side, other people's videos can make me feel terrible, because if I start comparing myself to them...well, it's a dark, slippery slope. In terms of making my own videos, I experience the same reactions you mentioned. I go through spurts of creating video and most of the time this past year, I don't post them because I pick them apart and deem them (and myself) not good enough.

My only words for you are - this too shall pass. We are human, and we all struggle with similar things...

You are a beautiful hooper, unlike any other, and the world is blessed to have you share what you do with them, whenever it is that you feel ready to do so.

much love-

Is there something in the air or what?! I am finding that this is a running theme amongst everyone I talk to. It doesn't have anything to do with hooping in alot situations, just the reactions all seem to be the same. Everyone seems to be so down on themselves lately. I have felt it so hard here lately, in every walk of life. My job, my friendships, my boyfriend, and my hoop. It's like an overall dis-satifaction with all of it. I needed this conversation.
I totally agree with Marsha on the hooping in tight spaces. Over last winter I was confined to my living room. I could move my couch and have some space but huge windows and a low ceiling kept me limited. I was taken out of my comfort zone and put on a path that could that could possibly lead to 20 broken window panes, busted lampshades, injured pets(Look Out, Hoola!), or a busted TV. It was at that point that I started to focus on control and my core. I found that my reflexes improved ALOT and my chest hooping went to a whole new level. Now when I am in open spaces, I find myself doing all sorts of tosses and hand work. Guess what? They improved too! I highly recommend giving it a whirl!!!
I am sending love and support your way and hope to hear a wonderful update soon. I will have one for you too, cause I am turnin this frown upside down! ;-)