How do you do it?
I am going through a very difficult time right now as I just broke up with my girlfriend of the last five years. I am trying to let go and to not obsessing on my loss but it is really hard. I want to love myself but a voice inside myself is telling me that I made a big mistake and I am not worthy of being loved now.
There must be a trick to loving yourself even under the toughest of circumstances. If you know what it is I would really like you to share it with me.
Thank you.
I am going through a very difficult time right now as I just broke up with my girlfriend of the last five years. I am trying to let go and to not obsessing on my loss but it is really hard. I want to love myself but a voice inside myself is telling me that I made a big mistake and I am not worthy of being loved now.
There must be a trick to loving yourself even under the toughest of circumstances. If you know what it is I would really like you to share it with me.
Thank you.
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SF Bay Area
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Re: Loving myself
Tue, April 8, 2008 - 12:57 PMno tricks I've found. Just consistant forgiveness for myself for messing up, consistant checking in with myself about self love. Just day by day.
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Re: Loving myself
Tue, April 8, 2008 - 3:17 PMPl: I want to love myself but a voice inside myself is telling me that I made a big mistake and I am not worthy of being loved now.
There are two errors here. First, you don't love less when some one makes a mistake. That is when they most could use your support.
Second, making mistakes is an essential part of life. It is how you learn what you don't yet know.
Finally, you should realize that sustaining lasting relationships is hard and non trivial. Leaving one when it is done can be quite difficult, but it is the only way to get on with your life and begin anew. Because of the difficulty it often involves a bit of craziness on the part of one or both partners. I strongly suggest a no blame, no fault approach. -
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Re: Loving myself
Tue, April 8, 2008 - 3:36 PMWow. I have goose flesh.
You have both given me much insight.
A. Forgive myself.
B. Recognize that this is really hard stuff and would be for anyone.
C. Maybe there was no mistake in the first place.
D. No blame and no fault.
I hope I got it right.
Thank you. That helps. I have to sit with this for a while. -
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Re: Loving myself
Wed, April 9, 2008 - 12:53 PM
A. Forgive myself. and the 'other(s)'
B. Recognize that this is really hard stuff and would be for anyone.
Yeah, but it's one of those main 'song' topics, we've all been there...
C. Maybe there was no mistake in the first place.
Never are!
D. No blame and no fault.
Wonderful learning opportunities...
Also, maybe you 'deserve' better (later) !
;)
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Re: Loving myself
Tue, April 8, 2008 - 10:33 PMOne trick you might try is to pretend you are one of your good friends, someone who is empathetic towards you. Then imagine what you (the friend) might feel towards you and express to you, such as "you are a great person", or, i encourage you to take care of yourself, to love yourself, to treat yourself kindly, to do fun nice things for yourself because you deserve it". Not sure if that will help but it might be worth a try. In other words, imagine you are worthy of love, and imagine practicing giving yourself that love. Sometimes just imagining something can increase your ability to manifest it.
~margi -
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Re: Loving myself
Tue, April 8, 2008 - 10:46 PMI think it is important to not let regret consume you. Regardless of the correctness of the choice it is done. Learn from the experience and then five yourself a break. We all make mistakes and I believe we are all deserving of love. Do nice things for yourself and others, family, friends, even strangers. I usually feel better about myself when I think I might of made someone elses day better.
Peace
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Re: Loving myself
Wed, April 9, 2008 - 5:31 PMsometimes you just have to allow things to be how they are.
i find that when i'm feeling the most lost, the thing to is to remember that some things just take time. the cycle always comes back, the awareness of who i am always returns, and broken hearts do heal.
i ended something with a lover of three years more than a year ago, and i still have moments of intense pain... but i know that i made the choice because it was better than staying in the relationship, and i trust the part of myself that made that choice.
it's good to seek out spending time with people who understand and love you, too.
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Re: Loving myself
Wed, April 9, 2008 - 5:35 PMAmen to that. I have found talking to people who know me, especially people who knew me before I was in the relationship that has ended, are the best source of comfort and tend to make me feel better. They understand more than i do at times.
I hate to think of feeling pain three years from now. I think I'll just stay in the moment for now.
:-)
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Re: Loving myself
Wed, April 9, 2008 - 7:45 PMthere is that which transcends circumstance, situation, or appearance. our Truth is not subject to anything external. it remains, solid and unchanging, even among the fluid nature of the human experience.
your Truth is the Truth, no matter what.
people come into our lives for a reason, or a season, or sometimes a lifetime... they are all gifts.
and again, nothing, or no one outside of us can change what we really are. -
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Re: Loving myself
Thu, April 10, 2008 - 1:15 AMmy love and l broke up one year ago and l am just coming out of the tunnel, it was a long dark winter, an education regarding looking at what love is, and that l can never own it., quite a humbling experience
Talking to friends
physical exercise, when your mind is driving you nuts
crying
being kind to yourself
enjoying the innocence of nature dogs cats ect
And knowing that its ok to not feel ok
You will come through this a better person in relation to the bigger picture,springs coming. and ya never know whats around the corner. Faith
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Re: Loving myself
Fri, April 11, 2008 - 11:24 AMtrying new things is great -
After breaking up 2 years ago I tried many new activities. The most helpful were:
Yoga, which helped me physically & spiritually. In yoga I slowed down & looked within, taking time for myself.
Contact Improv dance - which helped with my need for physical contact. Usually CI dance is non-sexual, although it can turn into a cuddle pile. Cuddle piles can also feel this need, but I didn't find much of this right away. For me it took some of the desperation away from the dating scene. I didn't need to find a date to get physical contact.
Freestyle dance - Just move. I was scared of looking stupid dancing, but there's no shame to it - be proud.
And meeting new friends at all activities.
I definitely feel I've grown since the breakup. I think you will too.
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