So I was thinking, when I have been angry at people in the past it was because I didn't get what I want. I didn't get my expectations met and it pissed me off and I blamed the person . I needed the anger to seperate myself from that person and when I felt well seperated I stopped feeling the anger so much. ( and then I could feel the love again, in the case of my mom at least)

So now I am begining to think that when someone is angry with me, it doesn't have that much to do with me. They need it to separate or to not deal with the pain or to blame me for them not getting what they want. Regardless, it isn't me. I didn't DO Anything to them . Their anger is there's.
I am not angry with my ex-boyfriend anymore because I don't need to be. He is angry with me because he needs it still. I heal a bit faster because I do it consciously and I look for the purpose of the anger/pain in my life. I learned so much from this last relationship. Like my standards of honesty and monogamy are totally reasonable.( I tell that to everyone going in) I don't need to be angry he didn't live up to them anymore. And I don't need to need angry with someone just because they are angry with me. And that if someone is angry with me I don't have to beat myself up about it.
And I get to be extra thankfull for people like my mom, who stuck with me through the angry years ( there were many) .
What has made the difference with you and your relationship to anger? How do I go further from here?