Vegans are a Pain in the Ass's topics - tribe.net

Bacon Dogs

snazzygina — Sun, 11 May 2008 20:22:29 GMT

I'm sure this has been covered in here. But, my husband read an article about how vendors in L.A. were getting in trouble for selling them. So, I read the article...became intrigued...and MADE BACON DOGS for lunch today.

Here is the article:
http://www.reason.com/blog/show/126181.html

I smothered my bacon dog in chili and cheese. YUM!

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

Anthony Bourdain quote on vegetarians/vegans ... funny !!!

SkOrPiTaRiO — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 20:38:20 GMT

"Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, and an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food. The body, these waterheads imagine, is a temple that should not be polluted by animal protein. It's healthier, they insist, though every vegetarian waiter I've worked with is brought down by any rumor of a cold. Oh, I'll accommodate them, I'll rummage around for something to feed them, for a 'vegetarian plate', if called on to do so. Fourteen dollars for a few slices of grilled eggplant and zucchini suits my food cost fine." From Kitchen Confidential, p. 70.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Wassup, meatsuckers.

Axo — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 16:01:14 GMT

http://www.taste.com.au/news+features/articles/576/beef+bad+for+the+environment

Beef is like driving 3 SUVs over a field of orphaned Somalians while using the last of Haiti's rainforest as charcoal to smoke a passenger pigeon, you sick bastards.

Incidentally, I was just chilling in the Vegetarian tribe, and man, are those vegans a pain in my ovo-lacto ass.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 26 replies

McNonsense

enik — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 03:08:12 GMT

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/content/127029.jpg

Give it a rest already.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 4 replies

i like......

fuckinSqueek — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 02:29:23 GMT

meat.

i hunger for meat....

NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

here, this is silly. and neat.

http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs10/i/2006/085/e/8/meats_XD_by_LunarChaotic.png

as devi would say.... "I HUNGER FOR ASS MEATS BITCH!!!"

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Dear Vegans: Infants CANT Be Vegan!!

Cookie — Wed, 09 May 2007 23:15:31 GMT

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18574603/

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 9 replies

at last...

ludmilla — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 18:19:08 GMT

someone really understands me!

http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/bacon_exotic_candy_bar/exotic_candy_bars

bacon and chocolate

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 6 replies

Please Let It Be Whale Vomit, Not Just Sea Junk - New York Times

PoolB — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 09:23:21 GMT

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/18/nyregion/18whale.html?em&ex=1166677200&en=4d81ffd7c2217ccf&ei=5087%0A

In this season of strange presents from relatives, Dorothy Ferreira got a doozy the other day from her 82-year-old sister in Waterloo, Iowa. It was ugly. It weighed four pounds. There was no receipt in the box.

Inside she found what looked like a gnarled, funky candle but could actually be a huge hunk of petrified whale vomit worth as much as $18,000.

“I called my sister and asked her, ‘What the heck did you send me?’ ” recalled Ms. Ferreira, 67, who has lived here on the eastern tip of Long Island since 1982. “She said: ‘I don’t know, but I found it on the beach in Montauk 50 years ago and just kept it around. You’re the one who lives by the ocean; ask someone out there what it is.’ ”

After researching ambergris on the Internet, Ms. Ferreira’s neighbor, Joe Luiksic, advised, “Put it on eBay.” But endangered species legislation has made buying or selling the stuff illegal since the 1970s; a couple who found a large lump of ambergris valued at almost $300,000 on an Australian beach in January has had legal problems selling it.

“If I get locked up, will you bail me out?” Ms. Ferreira asked her friends.

Ambergris begins as a waxlike substance secreted in the intestines of some sperm whales, perhaps to protect the whale from the hard, indigestible “beaks” of giant squid it feeds upon. The whales expel the blobs, dark and foul-smelling, to float the ocean. After much seasoning by waves, wind, salt and sun, they may wash up as solid, fragrant chunks.

Because ambergris varies widely in color, shape and texture, identification falls to those who have handled it before, a group that in a post-whaling age is very small. Ms. Ferreira says she has yet to find an ambergris expert.

“A hundred years ago, you would have no problem finding someone who could identify this,” said James G. Mead, curator of marine mammals at the Smithsonian Institution, who said he hears of new ambergris surfacing somewhere in the world maybe once every five or six years. “More often, you have people who think they’ve found it and they can retire, only to find out it’s a big hunk of floor wax.”

At $10 per gram, Ms. Ferreira’s chunk, according to a neighbor’s kitchen scale, would have a value of $18,000. “The only way to positively identify ambergris is to have experience handling and smelling it, and very few people in the world have that,” Ms. Beuse said. “Certainly, if she has it, it’s like winning a mini-lottery.”

Larry Penny, 71, director of East Hampton’s natural resources department, said he had no way of making a definite determination, because “we don’t keep a certified whale-vomit expert on staff.”

“The older folks would always tell us, ‘Keep your eyes open for that whale vomit because it’ll pay your way through college,’ ” he recalled. “We used to bring home anything that we thought looked like it, but it never turned out to be ambergris. The average person today could trip over it on the beach and never know what it was.”

In “Paradise Regained,” Milton describes Satan tempting Christ with meat pastries steamed in ambergris. In “Moby-Dick,” Melville called it the “essence found in the inglorious bowels of a sick whale.”

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 3 replies

Hah!

snazzygina — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 06:07:12 GMT

I bet this has been posted before....but, I've never seen it until now.

http://www.vegetariansareevil.com/

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

The all pork, beef, cheese and donut menu.

RJ — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 20:03:26 GMT

Yum...

All pork, beef and cheese.
And Krispy Kreams...

WARNING: May cause the ITIS.

Bring it on!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5X8W3XFz7k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V6DuH0qoGU

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

One hump or two?

yoshispacebreaker — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 19:48:18 GMT

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6175893.stm

"Istanbul was Constantinople/
Why did Constantinople get the works?

-That's noooooobody's business but the Turks'..."

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Lardy!

switchbladebutterfly — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 05:04:05 GMT

http://lumpoflard.com/

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

ludmilla does manhattan?

PoolB — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 20:07:10 GMT

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/22/dining/reviews/22rest.html
The New York Times > Porter House New York Restaurant Review > New York City Restaurant Reviews

STK has more than a conceit. It has a signature image, emblazoned on glossy cards, and a motto. The image shows a vixen in a scarlet negligee. In one hand she clutches a hook with a raw chop; in the other, a gleaming cleaver. It’s unclear whether she’s emerged from the boudoir or the abattoir, but her idea of fun obviously involves meat.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 3 replies

A chicken is a bird; a cow is an animal.

enik — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 01:26:44 GMT

http://www.flixya.com/dumb-blonde

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

BACON PORN!

prsIII — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 17:11:39 GMT

I just received a new "The Grateful Palate Gift Handbook For The Year Of The Pig" in the mail. Largely pages solely with product illustrations, facing pages with copy. All mouth watering.

Noteworthy: the 4lb slab of Summerfield Farm: "Tasting Notes: Molasses and brown-sugar cured. Slab only. A great big, hedonistic pig bomb from the state of Virginia. Rich, Super-intense flavors. Totally unique. Like chateau d'yquem of pig."

$49.95

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 12 replies

Trouble at the Steak Barn!

switchbladebutterfly — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 00:28:08 GMT

http://www.atomfilms.com/af/content/atom_341

Ok, it doesn't really go anywhere, I just like the way he says "vegetarian."

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

-and maybe with a dash of Tabasco?

switchbladebutterfly — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 23:12:46 GMT

" I went to a Polish bar where they infused the vodka and Polish spirits with sausages. The shots had a layer of fat on them. They tasted like sausage. It’s a meal in a glass."

http://www.drunkard.com/issues/06_06/06_06_gary_shteyngart.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 11 replies

Fuck yeah! (x-post)

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 20:00:00 GMT

I just learned of this place in Tempe.

I must go here.

http://www.heartattackgrill.com/

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

on the fence

snazzygina — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 14:52:21 GMT

I'm thinking about becoming vegan again, but want some company. Who's with me??????

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Open Season

prsIII — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 02:38:08 GMT

http://www.seasonshot.com/

(Now, I'm pretty sure this one has not been posted here)

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 8 replies

"eat 'em up, fuckers!"

switchbladebutterfly — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 19:02:12 GMT

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/54916

PLANO, TX—With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.

"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some shit that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."

"Mmm, dehydrated bulb things," Carey added. "Sounds delicious."

Carey appeared visibly appalled as Frito-Lay employees distributed Flat Earth snack samples to the audience.

"God help us all, would you look at these flavors," said Carey, gesturing toward a display showcasing the several varieties of Flat Earth chips, including Kauliflower Krunch, Raisins 'N Chives, Cranberry Spinach Explosion, Rutabaga Yum, Tofu Snaps, Eggplant Ecstasy, Broccoloroos, and Watercress. "Look at what you've reduced us to."

Frito-Lay delivery people drop off a "bunch of bullshit to some pricks somewhere."
"Weren't Sun Chips healthy enough for you, you goddamn hippie bastards?" Carey added.

Frito-Lay spokeswoman Lisa Greeley, who said that the company made a commitment in 2004 to develop a healthier line of snacks but "never thought it would actually come to this," described the Flat Earth brand as "tailor-made for the small, vocal minority of health-conscious consumers who apparently can't just be content with salads, bananas, apples, or any of the literally thousands of fruits and vegetables already widely available."

"Our new veggie snacks combine the zesty tang of parsnip, the most mouthwatering root vegetable out there, with the bold flavor of, let's say, jute?" said Greeley before reluctantly bringing a Turnips 'N Radish chip to her mouth and forcing down a full bite. "It's a brand-new taste sensation unlike anything you've ever experienced, unless you've ever eaten sisal twine."

According to Frito-Lay's website, the new snacks contain one-third of the fat, one-half of the calories, and one-1,000th of the irresistible flavor of Frito-Lay's classic line of potato and corn chips. The presence of trans-fats and saturated oils is avoided by employing a cooking process "strikingly similar to the method used to create particle board." Serving suggestions that will be printed on the packaging include "definitely not adding any salt or seasoning, because then you might die"; dipping the chips in "delicious plain yogurt, lettuce paste, or other ground-up Flat Earth products"; and enhancing the flavor by replacing the chip in your hand with a Hot'n Spicy BBQ chip.

In January, Frito-Lay will launch a Flat Earth marketing campaign based on the slogan, "Bet You Can't Eat Even One." Surprisingly, however, the company is also in talks with distributors to ensure that Flat Earth snacks are installed in every school vending machine in the country.

"Oh, they're definitely going in the vending machines," Carey said. "Everyone's going to share in this misery, not just a handful of Naderites with spastic colons or loser kids with no taste buds whose parents want them to grow up to be boring milquetoasts afraid to have any fun. And don't think we haven't forgotten you either, office workers on snack breaks and anyone who wants to serve a big bowl of disappointment at a cocktail party."

"If this is what you want, America, fine," Carey continued. "But if you don't like them, then you can suck my fucking dick, because this is it—no more veggie crisps after this. None. You hear me? None."

"You're all gonna die eventually, anyway," Carey added. "Might as well be eating Cool Ranch Doritos with cheese dip when you go."

Frito-Lay is now considering discontinuing its traditional snack line and focusing entirely on chickpeas and sprouts, since, according to Carey, Americans "are so scared of getting fat, and are clearly no longer interested in good-tasting food."

"You all disgust me," said Carey, who then kicked over the Flat Earth display and stormed out of the room.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

I Knew It!

prsIII — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 01:20:01 GMT

http://blog.wired.com/tableofmalcontents/2006/11/robot_identifie.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Pickled veggies, mmm!

switchbladebutterfly — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 15:11:35 GMT

http://tinyurl.com/tvvgl

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

Public Revelation

gratephil — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 13:41:32 GMT

www.thestranger.com in the letters section divulges the reawakening of a veganesque person who has been affected by the previous weeks' article on ..er..urban hunting. Comes out of the meat locker on us-professin' conciencious carnivorism.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Tricky tinned-meat puzzle

switchbladebutterfly — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 06:14:38 GMT

http://www.smalltime.com/findthespam.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 0 replies

wine tasting robot thinks people taste like bacon

enik — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 10:34:02 GMT

http://technabob.com/blog/2006/09/29/wine-tasting-robot-thinks-people-taste-like-bacon/

What's not to love about this article? It has robots -AND- bacon!

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

Cow-liflower

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:07:41 GMT

http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,71775-0.html?tw=wn_index_3

"Judging from the 400 varieties of non-meat meatlike items in your average California supermarket, the one thing vegetarians want most is the great taste of flesh. If we could just go ahead and make a soybean that tastes like top sirloin right off the vine or branch or whatever soybeans grow on, then we could cut out any number of middlepersons. Or, alternatively, couldn't we genetically modify cows just enough so they're technically plant life? Like, get some xylem and phloem in there. Maybe some chlorophyll, just enough so that they taste the same but they move over to the "vegetable" column. That would be a crime against nature that would make everyone happy!"

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 0 replies

Trapping for furs

enik — Sat, 02 Sep 2006 11:15:01 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km6ikN5Gldo

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 3 replies

OH YUM!

snazzygina — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 05:08:02 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/8d3/92c/8d392c2d-97bc-4ae5-9f1e-d9bceac0999f

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

My kid hates meat

lolazass — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 18:40:24 GMT

I feel like such a failure.

I have to give him vitamins with iron because he hates meat and is becoming anemic.

He only wants to eat lentils and chick peas and rice and vegetables.

What did I do to deserve this?

He especially hates fatty meat. I think the fairies have kidnapped my baby.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 10 replies

milk: read the customer reviews

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 03:42:24 GMT

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00032G1S0/ref=nosim/104-0629667-9683901?n=3370831

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 16 replies

Myth?

enik — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 04:04:53 GMT

Remember how Circe would lure sailors to her island of Aiaia, turn them to swine with drugs, then eat them? Do you suppose they tasted better or worse that regular pig?

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 4 replies

McDonalds Stupersizes

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 23:26:07 GMT

I haven't eaten at McDonalds in years, but the Flickr photo pool for Kauai has an interesting pic:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/steveportigal/219263342/in/pool-kauai-hawaii/

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

... maybe a little piggy?

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 21:22:10 GMT

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51372

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

there is a definite uterusy quality to it

switchbladebutterfly — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 15:01:58 GMT

http://www.blackwidowbakery.com/demo/meatcake/

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

I wanna snacky pig!

switchbladebutterfly — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:54:29 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/24d/0c4/24d0c4f3-532b-4247-b099-62bdebade104

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

"deep-fried, bacon-wrapped bacon sprinkled on pork chops"

switchbladebutterfly — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 14:28:05 GMT

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51139

Though once defined as just a stand-alone meal, meat has risen quickly up the ranks to become the nation's second most popular condiment, according to a study released by the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

"In the past several years, meat's use as a way to enhance the flavor of foods has increased exponentially," said Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns. "Ketchup is still number one, but at the rate people are putting meat on top of other meats and foods, it may very well surpass it by 2010."

"American consumption habits have made meat a necessity just so people can notice that they're eating something," Johanns added.

Johanns cited the rise of bacon as a condiment as the most universal example of this trend. "By 2015, our researchers predict bacon alone will supplant condiments as diverse as mustard and Worcestershire sauce," Johanns said. "Crumbled 'bacon bits' are a classic addition to salads, and in recent years, slabs of bacon are increasingly used to wrap vegetables, fruits, and seafood. Adding bacon as a topping to cheeseburgers is old news, but now we are seeing bacon-topped meatloaf, bacon-covered chicken wings, and deep-fried, bacon-wrapped bacon sprinkled on pork chops."

Fast-food restaurants have led the charge in pioneering the new trend, Agriculture Department food chemist and study co-author Lynn Starck said. "McDonald's discovered years ago that people aren't really looking for some kind of spicy sauce to top their sandwiches," Starck said. "Quite frankly, what they really want to pile on their hamburger patty is another hamburger patty."

Mayonnaise—a mixture of egg and oil—was one of the original condiments, premiering in the 18th century and growing in popularity as diners sought toppings with flavors nearly as powerful as the food beneath them. According to the report, this growth will continue into the next century, with such new innovations as smearable beef packets, kielbasa chutney, and squeeze-bottled chicken.

Pureéd-steak pump-action dispensers are already a staple at condiment stations across the country, as an estimated 79 percent of fast-food patrons now dip their fries not just into ketchup, but into meat in one of its liquid forms.

High-end restaurants are also getting in on the act, with tuxedoed waiters now offering freshly ground steak tartare and a lightly seasoned pork mixture along with the more traditional black pepper at every table.

"In many restaurants, they'll 'meat up' almost any plate on the menu, even vegetarian ones, with an entire steak drooping over the top, at the customer's request," Starck said. "Bologna sherbet and ham brulée are also just two of the hot new condiment-based desserts we're seeing more and more of."

Kraft Foods, makers of Jell-O, are expected to release their highly anticipated pudding cups with dried veal sprinkles in November, and Baskin-Robbins is experimenting with diced frozen frankfurters and gelatinous pork orbs as toppings for their many flavors of ice cream.

Celebrity chefs such as Bobby Flay have enthusiastically embraced the meat-condiment craze. "I've been dipping my onion rings in a mixture of stone-ground white cornmeal, fresh thyme, and lightly whipped bison meat for years now," Flay said. "A couple of years ago doing something like that would have gotten me kicked off my five TV shows. Now everybody's asking for the recipe."

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

Mmm, gyros...

switchbladebutterfly — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 23:07:29 GMT

http://www.marriedtothesea.com/073106/law-of-the-lamb.gif

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

Two words on T-shirt

enik — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 22:44:02 GMT

http://www.pixelpig.info/share/files/redback.jpg

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 3 replies

healthy alternatives

ludmilla — Thu, 18 May 2006 05:48:48 GMT

i'm trying to clean up my act. not drink so damed much for one thing. shocking i know, but i am sure you will all adjust to the new world order.

anyway, i am on sort of on this diet kick where i replace what i really want with a healthy alternative. and not just food, but activities.

examples:
chocolate covered raisins --> carrots
peanut butter and jelly sandwich --> half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
entire bottle of chardonnay ---> working until 1 am
bacon ---> sobbing
kicking the shit out of a stupid client asking for more of my time than i have ---> walking around the block really fast while cussing
vodka ----> water and more sobbing

can you all help me out with some better ideas? people around here already think i am crazy.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 18 replies

Gardenburgers

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 19:57:20 GMT

Hate to say it, but I actually LIKE these things. Very tasty. They're even better cut into halves & wrapped in slices of turkey, ham, bacon, or salami. And then dipped in gravy or some other meat-based sauce.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

Cookin' meat

switchbladebutterfly — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 16:54:11 GMT

I loooove nicely grilled meat. I'm partial to charcoal over gas, myself. Smoked is good, too.

Numnumnum.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

Mmm, burgers!

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 02 Jul 2006 20:37:17 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/50e/6af/50e6afd2-4033-44c0-b82f-16982e1e1b8d

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 3 replies

Natural goodness

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 02 Jul 2006 20:47:09 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/e87/3b3/e873b366-7d22-4511-8fe1-2503a8a056d5

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 0 replies

japanese for pork

ludmilla — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 07:05:02 GMT

i don;t know the word, but i bet you can find it here:

http://tribes.tribe.net/vegansareyummy/photos/5c83a173-9ded-42d5-a26d-6fc5dc898787

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

I need one of these!

switchbladebutterfly — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:16:00 GMT

http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/002354.html

Staffer: I understand you want to complete a living will.

Patient: That's right.

Staffer: Do you know what this means?

Patient: Yes, it means I don't want to be kept alive if I'm in a persistent vegetarian state.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

NEW BBQ!

prsIII — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:49:06 GMT

Finally, after a year and a half of phone calls, waiting, and two failed attempts by the store to fix it, I have a brand-new BBQ!

http://www.primogrill.com/oval.html

So, the first one I received could not be assembled due to a mis-shapen lid. It took six months of back and forth to get the company rep to agree that it was FUBAR. There was a product redesign that took an additional six months to fix the issue. Large oval shapes are really hard to do with high-temperature ceramics.

Back in January, the store called and said that my new grill came in, and now comes fully assembled to ensure good fit. I received a call a few hours later telling me that the bowl was cracked, rendering it a hazard.

Last Friday, I received a call telling me that my brand new grill arrived, and that they could deliver it Monday (yesterday!)

Yesterday, it was delivered, fully assembled!

Yesterday, I spent four hours seasoning it, then launched it at two new york strips, a couple pounds of zucchini, and a portabello mushroom. The meat was juicy and delicious, the veggies flavorful. I am happy!

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 11 replies

Soulburger

flibbertigibit — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 21:59:33 GMT

My favorite topping on a big juicy burger is chunky peanut butter. Am I related to Elvis or something?

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 11 replies

holy CRAP mamacita!

switchbladebutterfly — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 21:26:57 GMT

http://www.cowboyciao.com/

bacon & cheese brioche: gruyere, fontina, smoked gouda, bacon, bacon butter, apple relish

... BACON BUTTER.

Then there's the osso buco burger, stuffed with VEAL.

Drooooooool....

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 1 reply

Meat.

enik — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 15:17:28 GMT

I just plain like meat. It's delicious.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

Meat booze. No, really.

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 11 Jun 2006 19:41:48 GMT

http://www.patentlysilly.com/patent.php?patID=7037541

Alcoholic Beverages Derived from Animal Extract
patent#: US 7037541
posted on 5/26/2006, patent issued on 5/2/2006

Perhaps you never thought this day would come. Perhaps you thought alcoholic ingenuity reached its apex with Zima. Well, inventor Kineo Okada of Tokyo has given you a new reason to raise your glass... there's a whole new breed of booze on its way and it's made of animals!

Okada is the President of Ariake Japan Company (too bad Beefeaters is taken), whose service mark is "The Fine Flavors of Nature." Fine indeed. I can't wait to swirl my glass and enjoy an aromatic blend of "beef, pork, mutton, chicken, duck, and turkey." So long, Pizza Hut, this guy knows how to treat a carnivore.

Now, just how bloody do you like your Bloody Mary?

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 3 replies

More on baaacon

switchbladebutterfly — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 19:08:11 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/a17/8a9/a178a91f-fa45-4631-9ffd-876fcec939de

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 9 replies

Oh lord...

ßëçkÿ — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 23:50:34 GMT

They finally caught my antics on film. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2MqL5sBuvA

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

soy pizza resembles shoe leather

margaret — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 23:37:40 GMT

but this food emporium is a bit ridiculous

http://www.zappos.com/n/br/bq/866.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 27 replies

meat-eaters get the kind of fan fiction they deserve!

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 20:59:22 GMT

http://community.livejournal.com/mcgriddlefanfic/

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Classic Cecil

switchbladebutterfly — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 17:49:11 GMT

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_087.html

Are humans meat eaters or vegetarians by nature?
08-June-1990
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Cecil:

Is man a meat-eater or a vegetarian by nature? According to the enclosed clipping from a vegetarian magazine, "The intestinal length of carnivores (meat-eating animals) is three times the body length to allow for quick removal of flesh wastes that putrefy in the intestines. Man's intestine length, like other herbivores, is six times his body length and is designed for digesting vegetables, grains, and fruits." I'm not a meat-eater but my girlfriend is and she is not convinced man is a natural vegetarian. We decided to leave it up to you. (Why I agreed to this I don't know, it's obvious from your aggressive tone that you like your steak rare.) Please, don't embarrass yourself by quoting that garbage from the National Beef Council that meat is our best source of protein. Even high school kids know better than that. --L. Williams, Culver City, California

**************************************

Cecil replies:

Listen, wimp--whoops, too aggressive. Gimme some of that tofu burger. Ah, I can feel the testosterone receding already. Now then, let us reason like gentlemen. There are some intelligent arguments for vegetarianism, but claiming that man is "naturally" herbivorous isn't one of them. The settled judgment of science is that man is an omnivore, capable of eating both meat and vegetables, much as certain four-year-olds might like to convince their mothers otherwise.

Like the hard-core carnivores, we have fairly simple digestive systems well suited to the consumption of animal protein, which breaks down quickly. Contrary to what your magazine article says, the human small intestine, at 23 feet, is a little under eight times body length (assuming a mouth-to-anus "body length" of three feet). This is about midway between cats (three times body length), dogs (3-1/2 times), and other well-known meat eaters on the one hand and plant eaters such as cattle (20 to 1) and horses (12 to 1) on the other. This tends to support the idea that we are omnivores.

Herbivores also have a variety of specialized digestive organs capable of breaking down cellulose, the main component of plant tissue. Humans find cellulose totally indigestible, and even plant eaters have to take their time with it. If you were a ruminant (cud eater), for instance, you might have a stomach with four compartments, enabling you to cough up last night's alfalfa and chew on it all over again.

Or you might have an enlarged cecum, a sac attached to the intestines, where rabbits and such store food until their intestinal bacteria have time to do their stuff. Digestion in such cases takes place by a process of fermentation--bacteria actually "eat" the cellulose and the host animal consumes what results, namely bacteria dung.

The story is roughly the same with teeth. We're equipped with an all-purpose set of ivories equally suited to liver and onions.

Good thing, too. I won't claim meat is the ideal source of protein, but on the whole it's better than plants. Sure, soybeans and other products of modern agriculture are pretty nutritious. But in the wild, much of the plant menu consists of leaves and stems, which are low in food value. True herbivores have to spend much of the day scrounging for snacks just to keep their strength up.

So make no mistake: we were born to eat meat. That's not to say you have to. There's no question that strictly from a health standpoint we'd all be a lot better off eating less meat (red meat especially) and more fruits and vegetables. But vegetarians aren't going to advance their cause by making ridiculous claims.

*******************************************************************************
VEGETARIANS GO APE

Dear Cecil:

Your statement that "we were born to eat meat" is nonsense. In using comparative anatomy to determine what man was "meant" to eat, we should look at the species most similar to man, namely the anthropoid apes--chimpanzees, gibbons, gorillas, and orangutans. Of all animals, man's digestive organs and teeth most closely resemble these apes. In captivity, some of these animals will eat meat if forced to rather than starve to death. But in the wild, all eat a vegetarian diet.

Another strong clue that man is naturally a vegetarian is the fact that vegetarians in general are much healthier than omnivores. The American Dietetic Association has acknowledged that vegetarians are less at risk for a number of chronic diseases, including heart disease, some types of cancer, obesity, high blood pressure, and adult-onset diabetes.

Eating a healthy diet goes far beyond cutting back a bit on red meat. In a recent study of 6,500 Chinese, Dr. T. Collin Campbell of Cornell found that even though the Chinese overall eat only a fraction of the animal protein Americans do, those who ate the least animal protein nonetheless had lower risk of disease than the average Chinese. Dr. Campbell concludes, "We're basically a vegetarian species and should be eating a wide variety of plant foods and minimizing our intake of animal foods." --Glen Kime, president, Vegetarian Society of Washington, D.C.

***********************************************

Dear Glen:

I feel like I'm arguing that the Pope is Catholic. To clarify a point that eluded many who wrote me about this: the issue is not whether vegetarianism is healthier, better for the planet, etc., than the standard U.S. diet. I don't doubt it is. It's whether humans are naturally vegetarians.

Here it seems to me the best evidence is our history as a species. We have been happily eating meat for at least two million years, and probably much longer. The common view among anthropologists, in fact, is that increased meat consumption was a key element in the development of human culture, since getting and distributing the stuff requires cooperation.

Not all anthropoid apes are exclusively vegetarian. The primatologist Jane Goodall established more than 20 years ago that wild chimpanzees kill other animals once in a while and eat the meat with relish. Other primates (although apparently not gorillas) do so as well. It's true chimps and other apes eat a mostly veggie diet, but for that matter so do most humans. Hunter-gatherers today consume only about 35 percent meat to 65 percent vegetables (Lee and Devore, 1976). Anyway, we and the anthropoid apes diverged six to 14 million years ago--who cares what monkeys munch now?

Your argument that meat-eaters are more prone to chronic disease is irrelevant. Chronic disease typically strikes the old, not those of prime child-rearing age. Till recently most folks never got chronic disease because they died of the acute kind first. It's had minimal impact on our ability to reproduce ourselves, which of course is the basis of natural selection. In short, as we evolved, chronic disease did not "select out" for vegetarianism. I trust you see the significance of this.

There is much to be said for vegetarianism. I am at a loss to know why vegetarians cannot be content simply to say it, without taking the argument over a cliff.

**************************************************************************************

THERE'S ONE IN EVERY CROWD

Dear Cecil:

In reading through your column "Vegetarians Go Ape," I noticed an unusual fact that you seemed to expose with great confidence. You stated that "Jane Goodall established more than twenty years ago that wild chimpanzees kill other animals once in a while and eat the meat with relish." I question the accuracy of this. Where would wild chimpanzees obtain relish? --Guru Singh Khalsa, Los Angeles

*************************************************

MAKE THAT TWO IN EVERY CROWD

Dear Cecil:

You obviously know everything. Is it true Stanley and Livingston penetrated darkest Africa wearing pith helmets because they knew they would find no plumbing there? --Eugene B. Vest, Chicago

*************************
Dear Eugene:

Oh, pith off.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 6 replies

Dress up in sausage and party!

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 15:56:27 GMT

http://www.inq7.net/globalnation/sec_phe/2004/jan/28-04.htm

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Mm, meat flakes

switchbladebutterfly — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 04:54:57 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/72f/e44/72fe4453-1410-420c-aa27-3dddf6a8d700

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 4 replies

Bacon: It's good for you! (crosspost)

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 19:08:23 GMT

Because people obviously can't be trusted to take care of their own health and need to be mollycoddled as much as possible:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060326/sc_nm/pigs_dc

(Also, of course, because fish can be full of dangerous levels of toxins. That too.)

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 29 replies

This little piggy went to Parma, this little piggy went to Smithville, this little piggy went to... the freezer

huck — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 07:00:59 GMT

http://home.comcast.net/~hucknapa/piggy/piggy.html

mmmm....
we used vegan bait too.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

Simpler than headless cows!

switchbladebutterfly — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 22:27:42 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/fe8/15c/fe815c30-4d18-439d-a429-51021b659334

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Send in the Trolls!

prsIII — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 20:56:09 GMT

Thus far, I have received four membership requests from alts. I am amused by their lack of originality. I wonder what their flesh tastes like with a bourbon rosemary cream sauce?

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 4 replies

The tables are turned

enik — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 13:36:22 GMT

http://www.sarracenia.com/faq.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 6 replies

Many animals harmed in catering of film

switchbladebutterfly — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 10:25:52 GMT

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32945

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

BACON FOR EVERYONE

ludmilla — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 07:51:12 GMT

the craving for bacon is universal
for some of us, there is bacon.
for the rest of us there is this recipe for making bacon:

http://vegweb.com/recipes/subs/bacon1.shtml

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 9 replies

Soy milk

switchbladebutterfly — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 01:58:37 GMT

http://www.angryflower.com/soymil.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Flesh Meat!

prsIII — Mon, 16 Jan 2006 08:19:51 GMT

Your new moderator lacks most forms of moderation, especially when yummy sauces are involved...

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 10 replies

Glowing ham!

enik — Sun, 15 Jan 2006 16:46:50 GMT

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060112/sc_nm/taiwan_pig_dc

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 4 replies

new moderator

ludmilla — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:52:06 GMT

nominations? votes? put 'em here!

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 27 replies

Texas BBQ

enik — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 00:07:02 GMT

I was at a chain called Rudy's last night. There was a canoe in the rafters that had painted on it the words "Eat Meat!"

The 1/2 link sausage and the baby back ribs were loaded with fat. They were so greasy that they serve your meat on wax paper. I gotta be honest: the taste was beyond decadent, but I can see why Texas has the five fattest cities in the US.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

editing

ludmilla — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:51:22 GMT

dear vegans, former vegans, and friends (and enemies) of vegans:

i will be editing this tribe and possibly deleting it or handing off the moderator's role to someone else in a couple of weeks. some of the more negative alts will be deleted.

there is a lot of silly crap on this tribe, but there have also been some very good discussions, great rants, and interesting posts.

as you may know, tribe "owns" all this content and might use it for purposes other than intended by its authors.

if you have some content here you wish to save or delete, please do so now. if you wish to read through the old threads, you have until january 15 before i start deleting them myself.

i will start another thread to vote for a new moderator in case you want to keep this tribe going.

i appreciate all the great new friends i made through this tribe and through this medium in general. thanks for all the funny and informative posts over these years.

ludmilla

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Run, T-bone, run!

switchbladebutterfly — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 01:10:11 GMT

http://www.salon.com/wire/ap/archive.html?wire=D8EVFMH03.html

January 06,2006 | GREAT FALLS, Mont. -- A cow that escaped a slaughterhouse dodged vehicles, ran in front of a train, braved the icy Missouri River and took three tranquilizer darts before being recaptured six hours later. News of the heifer's adventures prompted a number of people to offer to buy the animal.

The black, 1,200 pound heifer jumped a gate at the packing plant at around 5 a.m. Thursday and apparently wandered through residential areas. Police received reports at about 9:30 a.m. that it was in the middle of a busy intersection.

Police tried to catch the cow, and had her wedged between a stock trailer and a fence, but the heifer barreled through the fence toward the river, nearly being hit by a Chevrolet Suburban.

It was the first of many near-death experiences.

With the police in pursuit, the cow ran toward the railroad tracks and darted in front of an oncoming locomotive, briefly giving the police the slip again.

Crossing another road, the cow was nearly struck by a semi tractor-trailer.

"By then it was a madhouse," said police officer Corey Reeves. "People were coming out of the woodwork to see."

When police, animal control officers and slaughterhouse workers surrounded the cow in a park near the Missouri River, the cow jumped into the icy water.

As she swam to the west bank of the river, Reeves said she sank lower in the water and was being swept downstream. But the cow found a sandbar near the river's west bank and walked to shore.

"I was totally amazed she was able to swim the river," said Del Morris, the slaughterhouse manager.

As police scrambled to head off the cow on the other side of the river, a veterinarian with a tranquilizer gun was called.

Pursuers again believed they had the cow cornered at a chain link fence, but the heifer ran through a perimeter set up by officials.

The chase began to slow as the cow ran up against several strong fences. Dr. Jennifer Evans of Big Sky Medical Center shot the cow with a tranquilizer dart.

It had little effect.

Two darts later, the heifer showed no signs of going down. Slaughterhouse workers created a makeshift pen with metal panels that led to a stock trailer.

The heifer walked into the trailer at 11:45 a.m.

The cow was taken back to the slaughterhouse, where it was put in a pen -- with a stronger fence -- and given food and water.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 9 replies

Meat Bandit Nabbed in Golf Cart

GlitterDeathLand — Sat, 07 Jan 2006 19:06:21 GMT

MEDINA, Ohio (AP) -- It might have been a perfect getaway - after all, who would suspect that a person with a purloined roast would flee in a stolen golf cart? Samuel Dottore, 45, told a judge he intended to drive the cart about 40 miles from Medina to his home in Cleveland.

And it was working. He even stopped for gas.

But police searching for him as a suspect in the swiped meat caper nabbed him and the frozen roast.

Dottore pleaded guilty to theft Tuesday in Medina County Common Pleas Court. Judge Christopher Collier will sentence him Feb. 13 for stealing the golf cart.

Dottore's plight dates back about two months, when he met a couple in a bar and went to their home. A few hours later, the couple were driving him to a motel when he pulled out the frozen meat. They told police they dropped him along a roadside and returned home.

Police said Dottore then stole a golf cart from King George Service Co. and tried to make it his ride out of town.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/G/GETAWAY_CART?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2005-12-28-16-14-25

Oh and another good one:
Family Finds Raw Meat Instead Of iPod Inside Sealed Box

A 14-year-old girl who received a new Apple iPod opened the sealed box and found raw mystery meat inside, according to a Local 6 News report.

Rachel Cambra purchased a new high-tech iPod for her daughter as a gift this week.

When she opened the sealed box, the device was missing and in its place was a piece of raw meat, the report said.

Cambra said the box was sealed and that it didn't appear to have been tampered with when she brought it home from the Honolulu Wal-Mart where she works.

An investigation found that a former employee apparently tampered with a shipment of iPods and put the meat into several packages.

The former employee now faces tampering charges, Local 6 News reported.

http://www.local6.com/news/5710517/detail.html#ipod
pictures on website!!!

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 0 replies

Help unite mankind, or we're wandering clowns!

switchbladebutterfly — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 11:23:25 GMT

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/5KateBrown.html

A List of Actual Quotes Taken From the Directions and Mission Statements of Organic Products Belonging to My Vegan Roommate.
- By Kate Brown

- - - -

"For us, it's about a deep respect for the herbs we share with you."

"May each cup bring us in touch with our inner faith, and may its authentic flavors remind us of the wisdom of Ganesha."

"With this, every human being created on God's spaceship Earth can evolve united."

"Discontinue use if rash or irritation occurs."

"Made with 71% organic ingredients!"

"Migratory waterfowl: not only are the majestic flocks beautiful to behold, they provide natural fertilizer."

"Help unite mankind, or we're wandering clowns!"

"Inspired by a conversation between the program's co-founder and gang members."

"The present never ages. Each moment is like a snowflake."

"Persons with allergies to the Daisy family may be sensitive."

"To simplify and enjoy life more, mix 1/2 oz. with 2 gallons hot water."

"We have succeeded in liquefying crystal deodorant stones, which are 100% effective."

"Don't drink soap! Dilute! Dilute! OK!"

"This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration."

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 10 replies

Roast Beast

EDubya22 — Sun, 25 Dec 2005 17:31:40 GMT

For dinner tonight...

I'm taking the end piece.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 4 replies

Dalai Lama don’t make a cheeseburger worth shit.

enik — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 02:48:52 GMT

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/7e5/c4a/7e5c4a2c-8cb7-4340-92fd-932b7b401e1c

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Vegans are the best

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 00:21:42 GMT

When we take over the planet you all will be vegans. I like an organic food supply.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 8 replies

onions make everything better

ludmilla — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 01:34:41 GMT

please discuss:

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 6 replies

Now....

snazzygina — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 17:31:05 GMT

...I'm just godamn HUNGRY!

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/fd8/7e9/fd87e929-7a20-41ee-8df5-dc5ed50e83bd

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

bacon

enik — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 14:30:27 GMT

Push button

Receive bacon

Enjoy bacon

http://images.tribe.net/tribe/upload/photo/026/d5d/026d5d13-4fec-4049-9bde-c15cc849e760

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 8 replies

succumb to the dark side

enik — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 14:32:12 GMT

http://www.syslog.com/~jwilson/pics-i-like/mmmmeat.jpg

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 4 replies

Eat a Llama

flibbertigibit — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 21:35:48 GMT

http://www.exoticmeats.com/store/index.php?cPath=24_66

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Donald Watson, founder of veganism, RIP

inkvision — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 06:02:00 GMT

Donald Watson, founder of veganism, has died at age 95.

http://www.boingboing.net/2005/12/08/donald_watson_founde.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

Ever met a health looking vegan?

lollicupgirl — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 06:12:29 GMT

They always look like their eyes are sunken in, bony, pale skin. What about all the chicken that want to lay eggs? What about all the cows that want to get milked? I agree, I don't support factory farms. Give these people some food!!!!

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 7 replies

What's it gonna be?

snazzygina — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 04:21:39 GMT

Turkey or Tofurky?

TURKEY for me!!!!

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Spread that pork, baby!

switchbladebutterfly — Sun, 20 Nov 2005 03:51:38 GMT

My horizons have been expanded. Meat... IN the butter.

Meatbutter.

Yes.

http://www.foodtv.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_24445,00.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 11 replies

Tofutti Cream Cheese

ESpaghetto — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 21:32:09 GMT

i tried this stuff over the weekend. i thought it tasted ok, so i looked at the ingredients and it's mostly made of partially hydrogenated soybean oil, i.e., shortening.

In other words, this stuff is basically whipped crisco.

Anyone want the rest of my container ?

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 8 replies

Peak Oil Production & Practicality

ESpaghetto — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 19:36:21 GMT

Has anyone here read about Peak Oil Production ?

http://www.peakoil.org/

http://dieoff.com/page224.htm

http://www.endofsuburbia.com

http://www.fromthewilderness.com/free/ww3/100303_eating_oil.html

Just curious. The consumption argument may be settled by practicality and survival. That is, unless you believe that Jesus, the mayan calendar, or solar power is going to save humanity. It's soylent green all the way, baby .. !

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 48 replies

Ayveeuhn Flew

flibbertigibit — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 01:03:45 GMT

Eat a fucking bucket of chicken everyday to gain immunity. Sitting on eggs also werx

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 0 replies

"Tofurkey? Tofuckyou."

switchbladebutterfly — Fri, 04 Nov 2005 03:30:28 GMT

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2005/5/11starmer.html

Comments overheard at a brainstorming meeting between Ted Nugent and the editors of Gourmet magazine where they were discussing the upcoming book “Gourmet Magazine's Vegan Cooking With Ted Nugent.”
By aaron starmer
- - - -

What exactly do you mean by "not likely to own a spit"?

Quail's good, right? I mean quail can't really be considered meat.

Fair enough, sweetheart, but I also don't remember where in the Constitution it says I have to play nice with delusional hippies.

Then what the hell do they hang on their walls?

I might give half a damn what Moby serves if I had half a clue who the sonuvabitch was.

That's where you're wrong, chief. Plenty of people eat badger. I had badger for breakfast, actually.

Replace sweetbreads with chickpeas? How 'bout I replace your face with my fist?

Really? Mashed potatoes? I'm on board with that. Hot damn! We got one! Mark it down, boys! Mashed fu— Without what? Without bu— You're shittin' me, right? Un-fuckin'-believable.

Yes, Nugent's Nougat does sound very cute, Tinkerbell. But, as I've tried to make crystal-clear, I'm not a friggin' nancypants.

Wang Dang Sweet ... Potato Pie ... Pea Soup ... you know, something like that. We gotta work it in somewhere.

Tofurkey? Tofuckyou.

No way. I don't budge on this one. The muskrat tartar stays. The pansies will just have to deal.

What's it matter? I'm gonna be killin' it anyway.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 0 replies

Herbivores

PoolB — Thu, 03 Nov 2005 07:56:37 GMT

An outstanding characteristic of giant herbivores is their extreme slowness. They have no particular need of speed: their size and thick skins protect them from predators, and of course their feeding habits require no more of them than that they move from place to place as they systematically denude the landscape of vegetation. Furthermore, they are usually stuffed full of bulky food to digest, which tends to produce inertia.

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 2 replies

A vegan you'll hate to love

ESpaghetto — Thu, 03 Nov 2005 00:41:21 GMT

i was a vegetarian in the early 90's but quit because i hated vegetarians and my philosophy about consumption changed.

Recently, i became a vegan again. There were several reasons for this, but primarily it was health (esp. weight loss), some recent farm films, and my "political" concerns about energy and sustainable agriculture.

In any case, I can't stand militant vegans and especially those holier-than-thou types. That kind of picky bitchy superior behavior doesn't win many converts. Have you ever been around people talking about their dietary restrictions ? Yeah, real fun people ..

I have agreed myself to indulge on special occasions ( instead of complicating it or ruining it for everyone else ) and, frankly, like the homeopaths I think we all need a little poison here and there to keep healthy and keep those antibodies cooking. If I was in a survival situation and made myself terribly vulnerable or sensitive to dairy and meat, then I will probably be the one to die. Of course, I would support the other survivor's need to cannibalize me. I mean, truly, if it came down to it I would eat YOU .. !

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 5 replies

Porketarianism

switchbladebutterfly — Thu, 03 Nov 2005 02:21:40 GMT

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2001/07/30pork.html

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 3 replies

Not to be read by any Vegan lurkers...

RJ — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 00:18:59 GMT

Okay, so here is some extreme carnivore behavior.

This topic of discussion may interest some of the members that have had professional culinary experience.

It’s a bit of a long article, but it is very in depth and technically satisfying, with tons of insight into a culinary area most of us have little or no experience in.

There is also a great Bar-B-Q recipe at the end to tempt you into reading there.

Quick link to the article on the web:
http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/e-sermons/butcher.html
...

...

...

...

...

...

Butchering the Human Carcass for Human Consumption
by Bob Arson

This is a step-by-step guide on how to break down the human body from the full figure into serviceable choice cuts of meat. As in any field, there are a number of methods to the practice, and you may wish to view this as a set of suggestions rather than concrete rules. You will notice that the carving of the larger or "commercial" cuts down into smaller specific or "retail" cuts will be only mentioned in passing, and not concentrated upon. Also, the use of human fat and viscera is generally avoided, and left only to the most experimental chef. These choices, along with recipes and serving suggestions, are nearly infinite in variety, and we leave them to you. We've found these guidelines to be simple and functional, but recognize that there is always room for improvement and we welcome your suggestions.

Before getting to the main task, it must be mentioned that the complete rendering of the human carcass requires a fairly large amount of time, effort, and space. If the consumer does not wish to go through the ordeal of processing and storing the bulk of the entire animal, an easy alternative is as follows. Simply saw through one or both legs at the points directly below the groin and a few inches above the knee. Once skinned, these portions may then be cut into round steaks of the carver's preferred thickness, cut into fillets, deboned for a roast, etc. Meat for several meals is thus readily obtained without the need for gutting and the complexities of preparing the entire form.

The human being (also referred to throughout culinary history as "long pig" and "hairless goat" in the case of younger specimens) is not generally thought of as a staple food source. Observing the anatomy and skeleton, one can see that the animal is neither built nor bred for its meat, and as such will not provide nearly as much flesh as a pig or cow (for example, an average 1000 pound steer breaks down to provide 432 pounds of saleable beef). The large central pelvis and broad shoulder blades also interfere with achieving perfect cuts. There are advantages to this however, especially due to the fact that the typical specimen will weigh between 100-200 pounds, easily manipulated by one person with sufficient leverage.

Here the caution in choosing your meal must be mentioned. It is VERY IMPORTANT to remember that animals raised for slaughter are kept in tightly controlled environments with their health and diet carefully maintained. Humans are not. Thus not only is the meat of each person of varying quality, but people are also subject to an enormous range of diseases, infections, chemical imbalances, and poisonous bad habits, all typically increasing with age. Also as an animal ages, the meat loses its tenderness, becoming tough and stringy. No farm animal is ever allowed to age for thirty years. Six to thirteen months old is a more common slaughtering point. You will obviously want a youthful but mature physically fit human in apparently good health. A certain amount of fat is desirable as "marbling" to add a juicy, flavorful quality to the meat. We personally prefer firm Caucasian females in their early twenties. These are "ripe". But tastes vary, and it is a very large herd.

The butcher will need a fairly roomy space in which to work (an interior location is suggested), and a large table for a butcher's block. A central overhead support will need to be chosen or installed ahead of time to hang the carcass from. Large tubs or barrels for blood and waste trimmings should be convenient, and a water source close by. Most of the work can be done with a few simple tools: sharp, clean short and long bladed knives, a cleaver or hatchet, and a hacksaw.

Body Preparation: Acquiring your subject is up to you. For best results and health, freshness is imperative. A living human in captivity is optimal, but not always available. When possible make sure the animal has no food for 48 hours, but plenty of water. This fasting helps flush the system, purging stored toxins and bodily wastes, as well as making bleeding and cleaning easier. Under ideal conditions, the specimen will then be stunned into insensitivity. Sharp unexpected blows to the head are best, tranquilizers not being recommended as they may taint the flavor of the meat. If this is not possible without exciting the animal and causing a struggle (which will pump a greater volume of blood and secretions such as adrenaline throughout the body), a single bullet through the middle of the forehead or back of the skull will suffice.

Hanging: Once the animal is unconscious or dead, it is ready to be hoisted. Get the feet up first, then the hands, with the head down. This is called the "Gein configuration". Simple loops of rope may be tied around the hands and feet and then attached to a crossbar or overhead beam. Or, by making a cut behind the Achilles tendon, a meat hook may be inserted into each ankle for hanging support. The legs should be spread so that the feet are outside the shoulders, with the arms roughly parallel to the legs. This provides access to the pelvis, and keeps the arms out of the way in a ready position for removal. It's easiest to work if the feet are slightly above the level of the butcher's head.

Bleeding: Place a large open vessel beneath the animal's head. With a long-bladed knife, start at one corner of the jaw and make a deep "ear-to-ear" cut through the neck and larynx to the opposite side. This will sever the internal and external carotid arteries, the major blood vessels carrying blood from the heart to the head, face, and brain. If the animal is not yet dead, this will kill it quickly, and allow for the blood to drain in any case. After the initial rush of blood, the stream should be controllable and can be directed into a receptacle. Drainage can be assisted by massaging the extremities down in the direction of the trunk, and by compressing and releasing, "pumping", the stomach. A mature specimen will contain almost six liters of blood. There is no use for this fluid, unless some source is waiting to use it immediately for ritual purposes. It acts as an emetic in most people if drunk, and it must be mentioned here that because of the eternal possibility of AIDS it is recommended that for safety's sake all blood should be considered to be contaminated and disposed of in some fashion. It is not known whether an HIV-infected human's flesh is dangerous even if cooked, but this is another item to consider when choosing a specimen, someone in the low-risk strata.

Beheading: When the bleeding slows, preparation for decapitation can be started. Continue the cut to the throat around the entire neck, from the jaw line to the back of the skull. Once muscle and ligament have been sliced away, the head can be cleanly removed by gripping it on either side and twisting it off, separation occurring where the spinal cord meets the skull. This is indicative of the method to be used for dividing other bones or joints, in that the meat should generally be cut through first with a knife, and the exposed bone then separated with a saw or cleaver. The merits of keeping the skull as a trophy are debatable for two principal reasons. First, a human skull may call suspicious attention to the new owner. Secondly, thorough cleaning is difficult due to the large brain mass, which is hard to remove without opening the skull. The brain is not good to eat. Removing the tongue and eyes, skinning the head, and placing it outside in a wire cage may be effective. The cage allows small scavengers such as ants and maggots to cleanse the flesh from the bones, while preventing it being carried off by larger scavengers, such as dogs and children. After a sufficient period of time, you may retrieve the skull and boil it in a dilute bleach solution to sterilize it and wash away any remaining tissue.

Skinning: After removing the head, wash the rest of the body down. Because there is no major market for human hides, particular care in removing the skin in a single piece is not necessary, and makes the task much easier. The skin is in fact a large organ, and by flaying the carcass you not only expose the muscular configuration, but also get rid of the hair and the tiny distasteful glands which produce sweat and oil. A short-bladed knife should be used to avoid slicing into muscle and viscera. The skin is composed of two layers, an outer thinner one with a thicker tissue layer below it. When skinning, first score the surface, cutting lightly to be sure of depth and direction. The diagram of the skinning pattern is an example of strip-style skinning, dividing the surface into portions easy to handle. Reflect the skin by lifting up and peeling back with one hand, while bringing the knife in as flat to the skin as possible to cut away connective tissue. The external genitals present only a small obstacle. In the male the penis and scrotum can be pulled away from the body and severed, in the female the outer lips skinned as the rest of the body. It is important to leave the anus untouched at this point, and a circle of skin should be left around it. You need not bother skinning the hands and feet, these portions not being worth the effort unless you plan to pickle them or use them in soup. The skin can be disposed of, or made into fried rinds. Boil the strips and peel away the outer layer, then cut into smaller pieces and deep-fat fry in boiling oil until puffy and crisp. Dust with garlic salt, paprika and cayenne pepper.

Gutting: The next major step is complete evisceration of the carcass. To begin, make a cut from the solar plexus, the point between the breastbone and stomach, almost to the anus. Be very careful not to cut into the intestines, as this will contaminate the surrounding area with bacteria and possibly feces (if this does happen, cleanse thoroughly). A good way to avoid this is to use the knife inside the abdominal wall, blade facing toward you, and making cautious progress.

Make a cut around the anus, or "bung", and tie it off with twine. This also prevents contamination, keeping the body from voiding any material left in the bowel. With a saw, cut through the pubic bone, or "aitch". The lower body is now completely open, and you can begin to pull the organ masses (large and small intestines, kidneys, liver, stomach) out and cut them away from the back wall of the body.

For the upper torso, first cut through the diaphragm around the inner surface of the carcass. This is the muscular membrane which divides the upper, or thoracic, and the lower abdominal cavities. Remove the breastbone, cutting down to the point on each side where it connects to the ribs, and then sawing through and detaching it from the collar bone. Some prefer to cut straight through the middle, depending on the ideas you have for cuts in the final stages. The heart and lungs may be detached and the throat cut into to remove the larynx and trachea. Once all of the inner organs have been removed, trim away any blood vessels or remaining pieces of connective tissue from the interior of the carcass, and wash out thoroughly.

Remove the Arms: Actual butchering of the carcass is now ready to begin. Cut into the armpit straight to the shoulder, and remove the arm bone, the humerus, from the collar bone and shoulder blade. Chop the hand off an inch or so above the wrist. Most of the meat here is between elbow and shoulder, as the muscle groups are larger here and due to the fact that there are two bones in the forearm. Another way of cutting this portion is to cut away the deltoid muscle from the upper arm near the shoulder (but leaving it attached to the trunk) before removing the limb. This decreases the percentage of useable meat on the arm, but allows a larger shoulder strip when excising the shoulder blade. Purely a matter of personal preference. Cut into and break apart the joint of the elbow, and the two halves of each arm are now ready for carving servings from. Human flesh should always be properly cooked before eating.

Halving the Carcass: The main body is now ready to be split. Some like to saw straight through the spine from buttocks to neck. This leaves the muscle fiber encasing the vertebrae on the end of the ribs. The meat here however is tightly wrapped about the bone, and we find it more suitable (if used at all) when boiled for soup. Thus, our preferred method is to completely remove the entire backbone by cutting and then sawing down either side from the tailbone on through.

Quartering the Carcass: The halves may now be taken down, unless your preparation table or butcher block is very short. This is inadequate, and you will have to quarter while hanging, slicing through the side at a point of your choosing between rib cage and pelvis. Now is also the time to begin thinking about how you would like to serve the flesh, as this will determine the style of cuts you are about to make. These will also be greatly affected by the muscular configuration (physical fitness) of your specimen. First, chop the feet off at a point about three inches up from the ankle. The bones are very thick where the leg connects to the foot. You will want to divide the side of meat into two further principal portions: the ribs and shoulder, and the half-pelvis and leg. In between is the "flank" or belly, which may be used for fillets or steaks, if thick enough, or even bacon strips if you wish to cut this thinly. Thin and wide strips of flesh may also be rolled, and cooked to serve as a roast. Trim away along the edge of the ribs, and then decide whether you will cut steaks from the flank into the thighs and rump, and carve accordingly.

Cutting the Top Quarter: Although not actually 25% of the meat you will get, this is designated as one-fourth of the carcass as divided into major portions. You may trim away the neck, or leave it to be connected with the shoulder, or "chuck". The first major step with this mass is to remove the shoulder blade and the collar bone. The best and easiest way we have found is to just cut along the outline of the shoulder blade, removing the meat on top and then dislocating the large bone. To excise the collar bone make an incision along its length and then cut and pry it away. Depending upon the development of the breast, you may decide it qualifies as a "brisket" and remove it before cutting the ribs. In the female the breast is composed largely of glands and fatty tissue, and despite its appetizing appearance is rather inedible. The ribs are the choice cut of the quarter. An perennial favorite for barbecuing, you may divide into sections of several ribs each and cook them as is, divide the strip in half for shorter ribs, or even carve rib steaks if the muscle mass is sufficient.

Cutting the Lower Quarter: This is where most of the meat is, humans being upright animals. The muscle mass is largest in the legs and rump. The bulk is so comparatively large here that you can do just about anything with it. The main pieces are the buttock or rump and the upper leg, the thigh. Our typical division is to cut the leg off at the bottom of the buttock, then chop away the bony mass of the knee, at places two to three inches away in either direction. Before doing this, however, you may want to remove the whole calf muscle from the back of the lower leg, as this is the best cut in its area. The upper leg is now ready for anything, most especially some beautiful, thick round steaks. The rump will have to be carved from the pelvis in a rather triangular piece. The legs attach at the hip at a forward point on the body, so there will be little interference as you carve along the curve of the pelvis. Remaining meat will be on the thighs in front of the pelvis.

And that's basically it. An average freezer provides plenty of storage space, or you may even wish to build a simple old-fashioned smokehouse (just like an outhouse, with a stone firepit instead of a shitter). Offal and other waste trimmings can be disposed of in a number of ways, burial, animal feed, and puree and flush being just a few. Bones will dry and become brittle after being baked an oven, and can be pulverized.

Bob Arson's White Devil Dinky-Dao Mothafucka Bobbacoo Sauce
Marinade/Baste/Dip/Bloody Leroy Mix
Ingredients:

1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
1 6 oz. can tomato paste
1 cup black coffee
3/4 cup beer (Killian's Red preferred)
3/4 cup fruit juice (citrus: orange/pineapple/mango type)
2 tblsp. whiskey
1 tblsp. lemon juice
1 tblsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tblsp. vinegar (red wine garlic preferred)
3 cloves garlic. minced
3 jalapeno peppers, minced
1/4 large onion, minced 1/8 red, 1/8 white preferred)
2 1/2 tsp. liquid smoke
2 tblsp. brown sugar
1 tblsp. molasses
1 1/2 tblsp. crushed red pepper
1 cube beef bouillon
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 tsp ground black pepper
1 1/2 tsp. paprika
1 1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper
3 dashes basil
3 dashes oregano
3 dashes savory
ashes of one fine thin joint

posted in Vegans are a Pain in the Ass - 27 replies