NINJAS's topics - tribe.net

Ninjas and pirates

2007-11-14T07:51:55Z

I have a confession to make. I am both a pirate and a ninja. I started off as a pirate. I sailed the high seas, having romances in various ports, demanding that people deliver up the boooootay! It was a carefree life of much rum swilling....

But then, I met and seduced a ninja. Of clan Nine Shuriken, and he trained me in his ninja skills. I then met the Spatula Ninja, and he continued my training, I am now versed in the art of Spatula Fu. My final teacher was a ninja of the Pounce clan. He was fierce and wild, he never missed a jump, and he taught me to vanish from plain sight, and make death defying leaps.

I have found that becoming a ninja has disrupted my life as a pirate. Pirates are boisterous... ninjas are stealthy and silent. My pirate friends are becoming afraid of me now, it makes them uneasy when I vanish from plain sight, although me tendency to return with rum mollifies them.

What shall I do with these elite ninja skills? A life of sailing the high seas in pursuit of boootay no longer satisfies me... I seek something more.

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

NINJA NOVEL...

2007-05-21T04:28:24Z

I have a book that's coming out in the next two weeks. Here and there I've been asked about it and for those of you interested in getting copy, reply here or contact me personally and I'll give you details. Sadly, my book has absolutely *nothing* to do with being a ninja but there *still* might be a chance you'd like it, my children. It's about a screwed up kid in high school.

Lemme know if you're interested.

Jefe the peddler

posted in NINJAS - 9 replies

sleeping with your ex?

2007-03-31T10:45:33Z

Good or not such a good idea?

Gabor

posted in NINJAS - 27 replies

Hi from Denmark

2007-01-14T13:51:00Z

I 'm a new ninjas that live between denmark and Italy.
I'd say hi to all the members.

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

TAMERLANE/MYLENE...???

2006-06-03T23:41:56Z

any of you have contact with this former ninja from miami? i'm curious what the hell happened to her. she left tribe maybe two years ago. any hints?

jefe

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

Later, all

2006-03-29T00:20:21Z

I'm out. Tribe Sucks. Any questions see my profile blog. I'll keep my profile for a week while I select new moderators for my tribes, then that'll go as well.

posted in NINJAS - 10 replies

Bout Time

2006-03-25T09:35:38Z

I find where all the Ninja's are at. Whats up people.? Im new, nice to meet ya. Props to all the kunoichi (female ninja in japanese)in this tribe.

posted in NINJAS - 10 replies

Ridiculousness contest!!!!

2006-03-13T20:31:52Z

how is a raven like a writer's desk?
dave eggers with his tricep flexed
elsinore clouded in mist
the snuffleuffagus and big bird kiss
empty bellies crave stew
out the door went all the class along with you...

that or chooseday is a rotten day for the frog finally choosing the yogurt over the tree.

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

pooh bears and pig fuckers...

2006-02-27T04:51:59Z

as john holmes once sang in his abortive blue grass career:

"baby, i got 14 inchs, tell me how many i need to reach your heart."

his sorrow spilt further: "i made love to 5000 women, but i ain't never found it true."

ok, he didn't write that. i made it up. but i wish he DID write it.

PHOTOS FOR THE BANNER. fuck man.

jefe

posted in NINJAS - 4 replies

roe vs wade

2006-01-15T23:59:55Z

Blessings upon you,

It's been said by some monumentally ignorant "people" (infidels, scum) that the pro-life movement (word up homies!) is a misnomer (they put it more crudely because they are more crude in general as you well know---Wade and I pray for them, but still might throw a party when they burn: naturally you're all invited!), that we're actually pro-insemination. That we don't put any money towards helping them once they're born.

This is such a revolting accusation. Wade prays for them. I would to, but I'm not the man He is. Wasn't it Mother Theresa (she's on our team) who said, "If you don't want your children, I will take them." Wade and I are big fans of that sort of action. If Mother Theresa played running back in the CFL and getting into heaven depended on her getting 150+ yards against the Roughriders (lovely moniker!) of Ottawa, I'd hand the ball off to her every down. She'd find some holes to find some daylight.

So we've decided that we're going to follow her fine example.

1.5 million kids are murdered every year (information provided by Pat Robertson) before they have a chance to know the glory of Christ. With Alito on board in the supreme court that'll be put a stop to and you know something, I can't wait to contend with all the kids who'll be spared and get the chance to grow up and spike the jail population again the way it was before Roe vs Wade deprived us of unwanted kids ("Frailty, thy name is woman"---William Shakespeare).

Now I've never met this Roe person, but I've met Wade. And I don't think I need to tell you that if I sat down to dinner with Roe (her eating from a trough garnished with beans and dead dog---Lassie---I'm guessing) I'd flag just about every word out of chewing with her mouth full mouth. I'd throw them at her hard too, like some football lineman spotting an offside or illegal motion. Maybe I'd knock her eye out. It might give me some initial pleasure but I'd pray that she'd heal. Even if she didn't, we're not afraid. We already have a the greatest martyr (you know Who...)behind the cause.

Don't mess with us Roe. We'll crush you beneath the mound of flags we throw at you. Knowing you, you'll try and burn your way out. We'll be there waiting for you with some more. And then some more. Until your covered in them and then sink down down down where you belong.

Bless you all,

Jefe

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

moderator...

2006-01-11T03:28:01Z

apparently we need to reach consensus here. all remaining 7 members speak!

posted in NINJAS - 9 replies

WHO AMONG YOU REMAINS HOT!

2006-01-10T02:10:19Z

kindly furnish me with a list

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

SEND ME PHOTOS FOR THE HOLY BANNER!!!!

2006-01-07T06:34:59Z

after 2 years of exile, the thrown of this mighty kingdom is at last mine.

the war shall continue against the uglies of burningman! but there are far more important battles to be waged in my new conquest of WADE!

please send some semi or full nude photos of yourself for our holy banner and i'll put them up.

jefe the mighty

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

Listings can be FUN

2005-12-04T18:24:43Z

Greetings,

With the sale of B7 (thanks Akbar Muhammed Al-Sique Mustapha!) some of our other more ambitious proposals can now be mobilized, namely: putting the elderly in their place, and, if men can't have a feeling of "being in charge", we can at least locate women for them from countries where American men are still prized for not living up to their potential and being grossly overweight for all the right reasons.

Let's address the elderly for a minute. Long has our struggle been with wheelchair access curbs slaughtering the blind by the hundreds each year. Good intentions mean little when you consider that the blind (let's be honest, infinitely more successful in the music industry and literature: Milton for goodness sake!) are being led into traffic like lemmings. This isn't just a case of being asked to open a door for a wheelchair bound person only to have them drive over your foot. These are cold blooded killers. ME ME ME. This has to stop. We're offering Mexican construction companies at least 15% legally operated, a free Tribe.net T-shirt if they go and bulk up some curbs so that the blind can locate them and be spared an ignominious end.

Secondly, while this isn't an according to Hoyle *fact*, it is a generally accepted truth: "A huge percentage of American women are selfish, flighty, insecure, needy and psychotic, and quite capable of concealing those traits during the dating phase." As we all know, there are no facts anymore or *objective truth*, but this last phrase, I have on good authority (God) was torn out of the bible. While I grant that the majority of American men are ignorant, corpulent, prone to voting for George Bush, white, illiterate---perhaps I might drop another section of the torn out bible on you: "White 'career' American chicks are the bottom of the barrel marriage-wise." God's word!

No more muckraking. Let's go to the *facts*:

Japanese women:

-No fights.
-Great sex every night.
-She cooks a delicious meal every night (unless I take her out).
-No guilt trips for going out with the guys.
-Thin and absolutely beautiful.

European women (this is not a generality, it is Gospel):

1: Sensible and good with money.
2: Genuine commitment.
3: Very family oriented.
4: She enjoys housework.
5: Hard working.
6: She does not have to diet to look great

White, bald, paunchy, talentless men are fighting back. They want a good woman and they want their elderly to stop killing innocent blind people. Why? Because they care. They want America to go back to being a great place where you can watch football on Sunday in peace and burp in the face of your wife and have her not only accept it, but delight in the honor.

Jefe

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

zoetrope...

2005-11-20T15:52:32Z

i promised a helluva long time ago to post some of my novel. you can read it and review it, if you sign onto zoetrope.com (takes 2 seconds, free) and go into the novella section. it's called "sic". if any of you goodlookings can help catapult it into the esteemed "top 3" with your review, you would certainly be in my good graces for the rest of time.

jefe

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

Once more in the breech dear friends...

2005-11-09T11:27:54Z

How sad it is to wage war without the prospect of placing tasteful nudes up on our holy banner.

Poor.

Jefe the mercilous

posted in NINJAS - 7 replies

tell me good BIG tribes to join up with...

2005-11-04T00:01:55Z

or invite me. my listings are lonely without people reading them.

jefe the humble

posted in NINJAS - 4 replies

NEW LISTING!

2005-10-26T02:22:00Z

Greetings,

The mention of Zadie Smith in the title of this announcement was intended to denote that she will NOT be included in the list of books we will be reading despite her interraciality. While we celebrate her unabashed interraciality, pouty good looks in photos, mildly enticing British clipped accent, close proximity to Dave Eggers lest someone coddle out a very sulferous fart, we, unfortunately, have literary standards that must be met---naturally Mrs Smith meets and exceeds most them---however I have a fierce aversion to the name ZADIE and thus she is precluded from attending our meetings and for heaven sakes stop fucking calling me. I was drunk. It was Pittsburgh. It's well and good you can write but honestly, I have a harem of hundreds running the gamut of all my tastes without the hassle and fuss of a WRITER for a girlfriend. Geez. But I strongly celebrate your interraciality and if I find myself drunk in the future I may, possibly, have someone call. In which case I permit you attend to my needs. My generosity has limits.

A good friend of mine is none other than Leonard Kravitz. Leonard is the product of an interracial marriage. With intense concentration I determined that this fact made him uniquely qualified to address the coming of our Interracial Book Club. I interviewed him from his sumptuous loft in the Village after he'd ravaged an 18 yearold INTERRACIAL (German/Nigerian!) beauty named Sadie (I am very fond of the name Sadie incidently).

Leonard Kravitz: "Shee-it, muthafucka."

Jefe: "Strenuous discussion on Proust, Leonard?"

LK: "Call me Lenny, muthafucka. Shee-it, don't that chick look just a little bit like Sade? Shee-it."

Jefe: "What are your motivations for advocating interracial literature?"

LK: "Mixed chicks."

Jefe: "May I say how refreshing it is to hear a rockstar not refer to them as "bitches". Obviously you're on a higher---"

LK: "Fuck this shee-it, man. Let's get high."

Jefe: "Okey doke."

LK: "You roll it I'll play you some Jimi shee-it."

Well, I assure you Lenny will be attending and he's even more lucid in a group setting.

We hope to see you there along with the celebrity couples included in our pamphlet below.

Most cordially inviting you all (ZADIE, YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY, I'M SERIOUS!---but everyone else please come!),

Jefe

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

'assomefinesingingboy

2005-10-15T17:54:59Z

http://www.jonathancoulton.com/music/thingaweek/BabyGotBack.mp3

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

i'm pining for a new tribe that might rival ninjas...

2005-10-15T17:13:27Z

*my* shallow, prurient interest must be at the forefront of recruitment naturally. however we need a banner, a direction, a hot fucking chick as a mascot, a phobia, a lazy highconcept agenda that both amuses short term and has legs for a while.

selling ethnic kids (even VERY ethnic) is out. little burning man is out (which god knows is a shame) as an advesary. goodlookings are still in.

help me out here.

jefe

posted in NINJAS - 4 replies

sex with retards??? small bus back door action???

2005-07-07T02:57:53Z

YEAH! SEX WITH RETARDS! DROP THE STIGMA AND "PARK" IN THEIR DESIGANTED "SPOT"!

contrary to speculation, there is no "small vehicle" parking, we like the big fucking hummers in our spaces!

hey, if it's good enough for lenny kravitz...

don jefe

posted in NINJAS - 4 replies

Brazilian YOGA!Natural Gymnastics!

2005-06-22T08:20:25Z

Hi there I will be bringing the creator of the "Ginastica Natural"from Brazil.Alvaro Romano is well know in Brazil and south America.
If you would like to do a workshop with Alvaro Romano I will be having his workshop right here in Oakland(www.opendoorbjj.com) in June 11th,if you would like more information send me ane-mail at:sergiogralha@yahoo.com.

What is Ginastica Natural ?

The Ginastica Natural combines the techniques of stretching, flexibility and respiration of hatha-yoga, the ground movements of jiu-jitsu, and the natural movements of the human body. Idealized by Alvaro Romano, it is a revolutionary method of physical conditioning that has an objective of developing physical qualities associated with motor and mental skills. Romano elaborated a methodology for beginning, intermediate, and advanced students. Originally Ginastica Natural was intended to be practiced outdoors, however today it is a complete method. Alvaro Romano developed an adequate system that allows Ginastica Natural to be practiced in gyms. There is also a licensing for instructors to administer the classes.

WHO IS ALVARO ROMANO ?

Prof. Alvaro Romano JR is a post-graduate in the areas of Physical Education and Recreation and has always been involved in fitness activities since a young age Born in Rio de Janeiro, he was involved in sports that needed great physical conditions like Surf, Jiu-Jitsu, Triathlons and Judo. In his search to improve his performance as an athlete and as a professional in the field of physical education , he develop alternative and unconventional ways to incorporate power and flexibility in to his phisical exercises. It was in 1982 also studied the moviments of the primitive man and of animals, of which became the origin to the Ginastica Natural , revolutionary method of physical conditioning .

For courses , seminar , classes and licensing get in contact with 55-21-78146377 / alvaroromano@uol.com.br

www.ginasticanatural.com.br

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

topical bullshit and being nelson mandela's new catamite!?

2005-06-22T08:18:04Z

you betcha! just let irrevelant bullshit spew from your mouth and you can be laying in bed with good old nelson mandela in no time flat! synergy daddy, synergy!

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

Spatula Ninja

2005-06-22T02:41:12Z

Spatula Ninjas kick ass

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

feminism, liposuction, and unraveling scrabble in 3 short weeks!

2005-06-08T17:20:20Z

you got it!

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

NINJAS!! We missed one!

2005-05-19T06:42:00Z

http://losangeles.tribe.net/template/pub%2CViewPhoto.vm/context/tribe?page=1&currentoffset=0&parentid=cfeac650-fde5-4736-affe-517ecef6335e&sortby&rows&r=10025

posted in NINJAS - 5 replies

A new song for the remaining ninjas...

2005-04-21T17:39:37Z

"I'm changing my name to nunchuckbitch..." this tune is called.

Opening stanza...?

posted in NINJAS - 10 replies

"Ninjas Topple Krygystan!"

2005-03-29T14:08:47Z

read all about it!

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/050328/photos_lf_afp/050328194347_zfnblikj_photo2&e=3&ncid=1007

(towards bottom)

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

queef!

2005-03-25T09:50:17Z

posted in NINJAS - 4 replies

ninja love

2005-03-21T09:17:36Z

I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee-pee).

www.realultimatepower.net

posted in NINJAS - 8 replies

book finished, how does one apply for new moderator status?

2005-03-21T05:49:28Z

perhaps this ship has sailed but i'd like another crack at it.

jef

posted in NINJAS - 5 replies

nInjAz

2005-03-18T20:13:44Z

Give mE Your bLOod.

posted in NINJAS - 7 replies

HEEE-YAHHH!!!

2005-03-18T14:03:01Z

'Sup, ninjas?

posted in NINJAS - 6 replies

Condoleezza Rice vs Betty Page

2005-03-04T19:48:06Z

Bets are now being taken for Sundays match.

Gabor

posted in NINJAS - 10 replies

canadian ninja

2005-03-03T17:03:44Z

american ninja and it's seminal 80's protagonist "joe" ALSO do not exist.

pirates are of no concern to us. the very idea of preposing "ninjas vs pirates" is so preposterous the next thing we'll hear about is people selling VERY ethnic children for slave labor in suburban homes.

contrary to speculation, ninjas do not use covers or even beds for that matter.

we use hamocks. that's apropo our MALE population.

the remainder of our blindingly stunning females who've never heard of morning breath or the expression "no worries" who to my luck comprise the harem sleep with me in the river styx or however the hell you spell it. on my sacred island clothing and meaningful tattoos are punishable by rapidly issued photos of walter naked banging the olsen twins.

jefe the ominous

posted in NINJAS - 4 replies

with the ninja breakfast being said...

2005-02-27T18:40:03Z

portugal no longer exists.

ut i'll keep brazil even tho they talk funny. i've never been averse to pre- or post- coital discussion but this rare dialect they favor, one i shall refer to hence forth as "not-QUITE-spanish-but-similar-and-incidently-isn't-nelly-fortado-annoying?" very very confusing DURING the act.

for example:

your great leader: "what?"

brazilian girl defining obscenity with her beauty and carnal desires: "dame su boca. quasar su loca"

yrl: AFTER! SAY THIS AFTER!

bgdowhbacd: "pele."

yrl: of course i know him. did you know that's not actually his real name? he has a very funny, silly real name that i could whisper to you if you'd stop jabbering."

and the girl continues with incessant jabbering as the imperial revolutionary 14 inch rifle is re-sheathed into fly of fatigue pants.

jefe the humbled

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

the ninja breakfast

2005-02-27T14:52:43Z

with all this talk of things that no longer exist i thot it was time for something warmly affirming, spiritually grounding, inspiring even.

and here we come to the ninja breakfast (adopted from the high priest of gonzo journalism himself):

fruit salad smothered in jello and gin, crown royal poured on top.

jefe of internal reference!

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

Margaret Atwood vs Bjork

2005-02-27T03:40:02Z

Friday night,
next to the big snowbank in Moosejaw, Canada, but also covered by pay per view.

I am now taking bets.

The odds are 3 to 1 for Bjork despite her small frame we must consider that she is Islandic and a direct descendent of the Erik the Red.

However, Atwood is vicious and liberated and should not be underestimated.
Her father beat her.
Gabor

posted in NINJAS - 25 replies

CALL TO ARMS!

2005-02-27T03:36:36Z

FOLKS there is a Ninja Vs. Pirate tribe and we need all of our ninja bretheren to come and reprezent. The pirates are outnumbering us currently...

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

Question...

2005-02-26T22:54:50Z

Do Ninja prespire during the changing of the duvet cover?
such a curious creature, the domestic ninja
i don't believe they are required to pick up canine feces, rather, so stealth and evasive they are in their movement. nobody sees the ninja or the ninja canine, only the poo is proof that the ninja has walked
i believe there is such a ninja in my neighborhood, trust she is dwelling in my very building for there is petite ninja poo resembling that of her uncouth pooch
she must be ninja as, if she were otherwise, i would have to capture this poo creating ogress, offer her as a sacrifice of the highest measure
I need answers, friends...

posted in NINJAS - 8 replies

i'll take my burger ninja-rare, thank you.

2005-02-26T11:00:58Z

"Ninja Burger bring happy life, healthy life. Guaranteed, or we commit seppuku."

http://ninjaburger.com/

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

i have decided that seattle no longer exists.

2005-02-25T07:36:43Z

that is all.

jefe the decisive if arbitrary

posted in NINJAS - 39 replies

For our LA Dwelling Ninja

2005-02-23T20:36:19Z

* You craddle your head in your hands as you relax on a straw mat, your eyes closing dreamily as the distant twang of a kyoto carries softly in the wind. The muffled sound of the die-hard Samurai downstairs still trying to out drink each other brings a soft smile to your lips.

While you revel in a pre-slumber doze, intoxicated by the romance of the age, you fail to realize that you are not alone...

The only sound you *think* you hear is the soft twang of a small bow and the pursuant thud into the wall of your chambers. Glancing up with alarm you see the black arrow sunk deeply into the wooden post of your room. Before you let forth an alarming cry to your samurai bodyguards, you notice a small scroll attached to the arrow.

Curiosity overcomes you and you slowly creep to the arrow and remove the scroll...

Here is the message:
http://70.85.62.148/files/images/ninja_night_2.jpg

enter the ninja.

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

RIP raul duke

2005-02-23T00:38:09Z

what a rotten thing to hear about.

i've sacrificed two virgins from the harem on "jefe's rock" in honor of hunter's passing.

jefe the bereved

ps. don't worry, obviously there are no virgins in the harem. come on now.

posted in NINJAS - 5 replies

Ninja of the Day!

2005-02-19T01:40:12Z

my god, there are soooo many hot chicks in here. i'm hosting a ninja-of-the-day contest. here's the first winner:

http://seattle.tribe.net/person/5c720bf3-ac8a-4252-a590-7b71e02acc55?_click_path=Application%5Btribe%5D.Person%5B5c720bf3-ac8a-4252-a590-7b71e02acc55%5D&r=10302

(i figure this is better than sending my usual creepy, cold-call, "hello" messages after i peruse their profiles for booby pics)

be my baby's momma, Wyoming!!

posted in NINJAS - 14 replies

logo

2005-02-19T00:51:17Z

i dont like the gun pointing at me...

posted in NINJAS - 12 replies

elton john vs fidel castro in a fight, who wins?

2005-02-19T00:48:35Z

obviously I WIN in taking in the spectacle but the 14 year age gap is not something to be overlooked here my ninja brethren and harem.

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

ALSO new to the privatized ninja tribe the NEW AND MARVELOUS...

2005-02-19T00:46:18Z

who needs, in the immortal words of some rapper or other directed at Easy E, to "eat a beeg fat, deeek."

todays nominee is steven spelberg, just because.

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

ding dong the witch is gone...

2005-02-18T00:01:21Z

riddle me this...with virtutally NO action over here for months, how is it 600 of you fine ninjas still remain?

A: nobody gives a flying fuck enough to jump off.

B: hope springs eternal.

C: you fill it in.

jefe the befuddled

posted in NINJAS - 12 replies

further interviews: hungarian women

2005-01-25T05:47:26Z

imagine a women whose whole face is candy. tictic teeth, chocolate almond eyes, 5 cent candy lips. she's your mother and your daddy AND that black man in the alley (ask ice T, i'm foggy on this one, too). if this woman appeals to you i can assure you of one thing:

SHE IS NOT THE HUNGARIAN WOMAN REPRESENTATIVE OF ALL (!!!) HUNGARIAN WOMEN THAT I HAVE INFRONT OF ME TO INTERVIEW.

your jefe: your name is unpronounceable so i wont even even bother with formalities beyond the straw i've had placed in this hotel room for your comfort.

generic/universal hungarian woman: observed and appreciated.

your jefe: some have made claims that the hungarian female form rivals only the school bus for utility and durability.

generic/universal hungarian woman: is it true that your mother hails from the motherland of budapest?

your jefe: i'll ask the questions here... cheesedick.

generic/universal hungarian woman: what?

your jefe: nothing.

generic/universal hungarian woman: your mother is from budapest, yes?

your jefe: (coyly: think julia roberts lips wrapped around a chocolate strawberry and a panhandler being struck by her limo) maybe.

generic/universal hungarian woman: you are being coy with me?

your jefe: somewhat in the fashion of...

generic/universal hungarian woman: julia roberts.

your jefe: i was thinking of jake "the snake" roberts with a short clothesline before the DDT. setting everybody up for the big splashy climax.

PART 2 of this stirring interview getting at the heart of the hungarian female shall be included soon...

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

zombie defense techniques

2005-01-21T11:17:44Z

ninja should be ready for ANY opponent.

http://www.fvza.org/zdefense.html

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

Atlanta 1/3/05

2005-01-17T10:55:40Z

Jive talking.

Thas wha I'm talkin' bout, fo.

Jive talking.

I plagerized your balls and fucked Montell Williams against a lamp post in Times Square.

Eat it.

the kang

posted in NINJAS - 5 replies

very VERY ethnic children are our friends...

2005-01-03T06:33:43Z

it's true.

obviously one need be selective in their choice of very VERY ethnic children for companionship. be it for a blossoming relationship or for sprinkler changing on a peachy summer afternoon circumspection NOT circumcision need be priority one for the ninja looking for a very VERY ethnic child as a pal.

i'm just looking for you.

i've spent a fair sum of time twiddling thumbs and turning women into my instrument by calculated spasms of hauntingly sexual furrowed brow (think yul brennor but a little taller and not so cagey and then forget it and think of william shatner making out with spock). so i've been engaged in what i refer to as "contemplation". naturally most of this "contemplation" takes place while being felated by 5 different races of women so what they took to be the offspring of my wisdom was anything but.

i've saved it all up for here.

the answer to the burning question on all your minds was actually solved by none other than lenny kravitz some time ago. as you all know lenny kravitz is a spirtual man. an "inner space" traveler. recently i had the opportunity to interview lenny when he was trying (failing) to lure this hot piece of ass who i had instructed to "nance" infront of me for a while because i wanted to see her interpet "nance" as she'd come to be as an "interpretive dancer of words".

lenny: "sheeit, i thot i had that sistah cause way back when i wrote "blackgirl" ya know?"

humble narrator: "seminal ballad"

lenny: whatever. sheeit. i got so fuckin much ass off that bullsheeit it aint funny. fuck. fuckin' sheeit man. i wanna fuck serena williams so fuckin' bad it aint funny. fuck.

hn: "because she's a "blackgirl"?

lenny: YO! i never fuckin' thot a dat sheeit. fuck. FUCK. dat sheeit is so awesome and it nevah even occured to me. fuck.

hn: i just wanted to say for all the ninjas out there. when you wrote in "believe" that I AM YOU, YOU ARE ME, WHY'S THAT SUCH A MYSTERY. you fucking figured it all out man. that's some deep ass shit. i mean lexington steel up my ass deep! hardy har har (white man's overbite for affect)

lenny: word.

me: word.

lenny: let's go fuck some my ho's.

me: i have my own jewish literary harem, pal.

lenny: dat sheeit is REDUNDANT motherfucker.

me: (incredulous) you're right!

lenny: HAHAHAHA!

me, with more class and endearability: HAHAHAHAHA!

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

caught!

2004-12-31T10:39:12Z

i caught this ninja on my balcony:

http://seattle.tribe.net/template/pub%2CViewPhoto.vm/context/pcard?page=1&currentoffset=4&parentid=3a1c8547-ceb1-4f67-a1d4-4ab10a495222&sortby&r=10302

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

Calling all ninjas

2004-12-27T03:14:54Z

Honours have been bestowed.
I have bowed down low and now
I am ready.

I will kick all of your asses.

The wager is an entire spit roasted pig.
apple and all.

Who will enter the tournament?

posted in NINJAS - 31 replies

Rumsfeld fighting technique.

2004-12-14T08:30:18Z

Not only is he the master of evil, but he is also a fierce kung fu fighter. Ninjas: we must combine our might to defeat this menace.

http://www.poe-news.com/features.php?feat=31845

His styles are many and deadly. You must study and train hard.

posted in NINJAS - 4 replies

a man some of you might be familiar with gets a reply... (no i'm serious)

2004-11-28T06:12:32Z

MR LAWRENCE BALOYI,

it was wonderful to hear from you but we have urgent
news over here (Reykjavik, Iceland)about BRIGADIER
JONES BALOYI. an uncle of mine (THE BARON RUTHERFORD
IV) fought with BRIGADIER JONES BALOYI here on
icelandic soil. my dear uncle THE BARON RUTHERFORD IV,
god rest his soul, has died (picnic, lightning). he
left behind a tremendous fortune for our family and we
need to get it out but it cannot be done thro our
countries corrupt governmental policies (REALLY
corrupt). curiously (VERY curious, like a puzzle) he
left behind a pendent hung around his neck and thro
the gem stone which he hung around the neck of a
falcon, it fell into the evil hands (very evil, like
Gargamel!!!) of SHINUCK BANSHEE HANCOCK.

ALAS WE RETRIEVED IT AND DISCOVERED THAT YOUR DEAR
UNCLE BRIGADIER JONES BALOYI'S NAME WAS MENTIONED.
THIS MONEY, 412 MILLION IS DESTINED FOR THE GREATER
GOOD OF GOD, JESUS, BUDDHA, AND OUR FAMILIES!!!

HELP US.

HERE'S INFORMATION YOU NEED TO KNOW.

Here in Iceland we stand by our old traditions (almost
as old as Africa herself-- earth mother of us all) of
entrail-reading. Tonight, as we dined on a succulent
she-goat, my great-great-grandmother took her seat at
the head of the table (she being the oldest, and
great-aunt to the aforementioned THE BARON RUTHERFORD
IV whom she cries rivers [metaphorically] for every
night) and delved elbow-deep into the carcass. We
were all shocked by the portent of what she removed:
the goat's intestine curled delicately in such a way
as to form the outline of South Africa (blessed be she
and her dark children).

So you can see that the arrival of your email came as
no surprise to our household, and we welcomed it in
like an old friend (but one not so old as to have
outstayed his welcome). It is with arms open,
extended, beckoning, that we anticipate the formation
of a pact between our families and all the aid we can
offer in the removal of your fortune from South Africa
(the 'other' Botswana), much like the proverbial mouse
removed the thorn from the lion's
foot. Let us excise your moneys with the same vigour
that blacks have retaken their farmland in your fair
continent! Let us look on this happenstance as not
just the tie that binds our particular lineage, but
also the formation of a new era of relations
(platonic) between Iceland and South Africa
(breadbasket of Gaia).

perhaps tho, we need to consider something about this
situation. imagine, if you would, that i am richard
III on you are the audience, this is our "aside" where
i talk to you filling you in on what's "really" going
on in the story. tho money seems to have flowed
through our respective (VERY VERY) families with great
force (like a waterfall---say, mmm, angel falls in
this case, and, don't kid yourself, that's BIG, like
Shaka's cock you might say).

maybe money isn't the answer for our families anymore.
maybe this is more about what money has led us to:
each other. aforementioned i detailed the great union
of iceland and africa. your people did great good with
italy. shakespeare even wrote about one named othelo.
that's great eh! i read that one.

we need each other. who cares about money. if i had it
in my country i would be more regarded than i already
am. in your country what could you hope to buy?...a
refrigerator? would you wish to shorten the trek to a
viable water source? then in your repose would the
TRUE nightmare of other countrymen stalking day and
night to watering holes that have no doubt been pissed
in by giraffes and used by HIV-ridden hookers
spreading virus to future blackmen who will never know
the joy of changing their surname to jackson or
williams.

WE CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN!!!

THAT'S WHY WE NEED TO DISCUSS WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON
HERE (and that's big, like nelson Mandela in south
africa stopping the tide, or, um, apartheid, AND THAT
WAS GREAT!!)...

So let's instead cast our mind back a few years, to a
small town in your great country (great, though damn
their laws that keep your money shackled like a New
Orleans cotton-picker!). It was a morning like any
other (god-given, I mean) on April 5th, 1998, when a
woman ("Uhura" for our purposes) went into labour and
birthed a beautiful daughter, the colour of a Yukon
evening. We all know now of the massive birthmark
that traversed her entire back, replicating perfectly
the in "YING-YANG" fashion, the Pepsi-cola loga.

Money flowed to her as quickly and vociferously as
immigrants out of Afghanistan, but she never lost site
of what was really important. The publicity she gave
to the flagging cola company she did so for her
brothers and sisters in the Mexico cola bottling
factories.

MEXICO. ICELAND. SOUTH AFRICA. A "triangle". The
strongest shape on earth; pure and Egyptian (the GOOD
variety of triangle, not it's dark shadow self in
Bermuda). If you and I, imbued with all that was
sacred and ephemeral about BRIGADIER JONES BALOYI and
THE BARON RUTHERFORD IV, can forge ahead with this
alliance like a righteous burning African "spear", I
think we might have a chance. A chance in hell. But
OUR hell. One made for everyone, regardless of sex or
race. So big as to dwarf Apartide and make Mandela
seem a hobbit by comparison. ONE RING FOR ALL! A
RING AND A TRIANGLE!

thus i conclude this message of love.

BUT BEFORE I DO!!!

remember that in my countries heart there is a wound
that bleeds across the frozen tundra like amputee ants
writhing but moving across land like elves (KEBLER) in
search of goodness with which to make cookies out of.

so i propose that we, the legendary family of
BRIGADIER JONES BALOYI and ours seek to join our
nations for the better good humankind. let's take our
respective money and put it towards a theme park. we
can steal MAGIC MOUNTAINS and if SUPERMAN exists why
not by all means ("all means necessary" as your cast
of relatively useless but nonetheless fervent about
something adrift former countrymen used to say with
the BLACK PANTHERS!!!) seize his FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE
and use these to attract people to pay ticket prices
(a kiss for any chiefs we have on the premises,
HAHAHA). as your country has not produced anything
aside from the spear (WONDERFUL INVENTION THO IT
IS!!!) i guess you should round up the best throwers
and we can pay (less money understandably than the
aforementioned attractions but still real
money...maybe Iraqi currency or something similarly
laughable!!!) to see your champions thro really really
far or really really hard at moving game. that would
be great. or we could have pissing contests. or role
playing, like, say: form a democracy and house of
commons and have "justice" insofar as courts and
judges. COULD YOU IMAGINE SOME TRIBESMAN DRESSED IN A
WHIG AND GARB?!! now that would be funny.

with love and confidence in our ac hieing Malcolm X's
goals (lots of good ones i'm sure!),

jefe p keaten (esq.)

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

NINJAS I CALL ON THEE!

2004-11-25T01:31:59Z

AVENGE MY DEATH, MY NINJA BRETHREN.

OUR MORTAL ENEMY WALTER HAS MADE A LISTING. CATERGORIZE IT AS "MATURE" AND "SPAM".

then report back to me your deed and rewards are due.

jefe the bastion of all vindication (especially of the futile and petty variety)

posted in NINJAS - 6 replies

ok ok ok...

2004-11-24T00:20:34Z

listing time is upon us. what oh what should some of our new plotlines be?

obviously ethnic baby selling is OUT. i've gotten that thro my skull.

i'm not quite so thirsty for nude photos of women in our holy banner because i haven't the power (tsk tsk) to post my favorites.

HOWEVER my children, soon a tribe shall be formed 100 times stupider than the ninjas ever could be but many times more fun...

what is that tribe you ask while reaching out for the holy 14 inch revolutionary rifle to grab your piece of history (if you were born a woman)---

SOON my children. soon.

yours in struggle (obviously not with chicks)

jefe

posted in NINJAS - 7 replies

Empress UberPhania

2004-11-22T18:39:10Z

This is a worship listing for the beautiful, brilliant and mighty

EMPRESS UBERPHANIA

bow, low, before entering and leaving; bring her chocolate turtles.
kiss the insides of her elbows if you are attractive
and tell her how fantastic she is.

Zsa Zsa

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

Our Jefe

2004-11-22T06:03:54Z

He appears to have reached the zenith of his genius or has completely lost it.

May chicks wanna bang him regardless!

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

MY CHILDREN, MY HAREM, THE REST OF YOU!

2004-11-11T04:32:38Z

How many of you wanna blow this popsical stand and start up a NEW fucking ninja tribe where nude women and stupid monikers and poetry and even my good old friend fisherking can be appreciated?

if we gain 100 people here willing to join i'll start the fucker up. otherwise i'll finish this book so as to aquire my harem of jewish literary groupies!

jefe the humbled

ps i am married to ben affleck as you can obviously see.

posted in NINJAS - 24 replies

Shame

2004-11-05T04:24:18Z

Feel deep, despairing, dirty
Shame.
Shame.
Shame America.

You have become awful.

Gabor

posted in NINJAS - 14 replies

Ninja Haiku.....

2004-11-04T11:18:41Z

Take My Sweet-Ass Time
About Kicking your face in
Here's mud in yer eye

posted in NINJAS - 33 replies

Ninja Mass Suicide....

2004-10-30T02:38:56Z

You have all brought dishonor upon yourselves with your silence...
The God Fudomyoo commands that each of you ends your own miserable existance with the point of your own swords through your own wretched hearts!!...And may you fester in everlasting Dragon flames!!!

posted in NINJAS - 25 replies

Someone.

2004-10-29T04:42:44Z

Buy me an ice cream cone. NOW.

posted in NINJAS - 33 replies

NINJAS ARE THE PAST, NUNCHUCKBITCHES ARE THE FUTURE!

2004-10-29T01:18:42Z

the choice is not between bush and abraham---there is only the nunchuckbitch to chose.

i have no fucking clue how to post the address of the tribe but look at my profile and ALAS it is there.

if you are hot join. if you amuse me join. if you are ugly and boring and like daterapey looking men you cannot join---UNLESS YOU HAVE AN ATTRACTIVE FRIEND! yippeee!

jefe the colonist!

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

Jefe

2004-10-29T00:56:39Z

Who says Jefe is gone? He may not have moderator status......but he is HERE! Just read a bit........and you fine him here, there, and everywhere. Only Jefe has the corner of the world on sardonic humor in this tribe. Don't let the psuedo names fool you.

He is alive and well under many aliases!

By the looks of things........... this tribe doesn't NEED a moderator!

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

flowers for fisherking

2004-10-28T21:47:05Z

I am making daisy chains for Fisherking
to put on his darling head
sweet lullabies i will sing
and rock him softly in his bed
oooohhhh Fisherking...
you don't need to commit suicide
you don't need to talk so mean
just close your eyes and bide
your time,

just close those precious eyes and dream.

Ohhhhhh your so cute,
lidddle fisherking.
shhhhhh, sleepy, sleepy.
son.

gabor

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

Mon cheri...

2004-10-24T22:07:46Z

As you can see, my little chocolate dipped pickles, with my shirt off I am proof there is a god.

All women welcome for a ride---except Marxists and Cuban exiles residing in Miami.

"Don't quote me on that..." HAHAHAHAHAHA, "LOL", HARDYHARHARHAR, YUCK, YUCK.

anon

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

Who do i dain to fuck?

2004-10-23T08:31:04Z

I am half sure i have seen many of you in porn (low grade, low rent, bestial in some cases---that tamerlane springs to mind "Little White Chicks and Big Black Dicks" was it?). My Frenchness is like innoculation to whatever diseases you have aquired from filthy Italian pornstar scum as much as my Frenchness is responsible for the pool gather beneath the female contigent.

Allow me to extend my reach beyond my grasp with the fairer sex:

400 pounds is what I bench,
YES my accent is French,
walnuts is what I break when with my anus I clench,
my list of bad melted candle actresses begins with Judy Dench

RESTRAIN YOURSELF WOMEN! Just because you respect my work/art/genius doesn't mean I owe you anything, as your american scum bob dylan/zimmerman once cribbed from the letter magnets gathered on my fridge.

2nd coming

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

Hey you, looking now...

2004-10-23T02:02:06Z

You want to fuck me, yes? I see through you. I am French. Cafe is not cafe unless we are in Paris and the room under the table is ample for your mon chon petite chu chu!

DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT!

PM

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

Yo....

2004-10-18T16:59:36Z

A' Hula-hula-hula!!
A' Boola-Boola-Boola!!
A'Wicky-Wacky-Wookie!
A'Wicky-Wacky-Woooooo!

posted in NINJAS - 7 replies

Fuck 'em.....

2004-10-14T23:12:29Z

.......Fuck'em.

posted in NINJAS - 21 replies

Kerouac book burning

2004-10-14T23:11:17Z

because it's 'typing not writing' and because he slept with his mama
bring them all and we'll burn them in San Fran.
The city that spawned the awful movement in the first place.
naturally any ginsberg poetry can be burnt as well.

gabor

posted in NINJAS - 14 replies

Jefe is Burning In Hell...

2004-10-08T18:19:49Z

I thought you should know.

posted in NINJAS - 5 replies

fisherking for moderator

2004-10-02T16:24:05Z

it's become apparent to me that the revolutionary 13 inch (or was it 14? i forget) has been passed on to a greater leader than even myself and i must accept that a finer man than i is fit to lead us all into battle against the burningman dickheads who need drugs in order fuck each other.

fisherking for king!

jefe the sycophantic!

posted in NINJAS - 11 replies

ladee

2004-09-30T17:26:45Z

lately I've been obsessed with ninjas. I keep trying to get my friends to dress up like a ninja with me and run around town. Noone will really do it, and i am sick of it.
I want to assasinate.
Nobody here knows me and you seem like a tight knit group of people. I hope I am welcome. Come dress up with me and kung fu things.
eeeekk
Steph

posted in NINJAS - 24 replies

Today I'm

2004-09-28T00:37:04Z

a bored Ninja!

posted in NINJAS - 3 replies

how does a guy go about reclaiming moderation?

2004-09-27T20:51:37Z

yup yup. let's get back to business.

jef

posted in NINJAS - 25 replies

Hiya!!!

2004-09-25T13:48:21Z

I hope all of you have seen this site:
http://www.realultimatepower.net/index3.htm
If not... take a moment or two to check it.
It is really lame, but you will find humor in its 13-year old type point of view. Yes its stupid. here's brief exerpt:

Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

links like this and more accessible at my totally sweet blog (updated daily) : http://www.mantisartworks.com/mantisblog.html

ps - I am listening to black sabbath right now. is that still cool?

posted in NINJAS - 30 replies

Lazy Minded Fucks....

2004-09-25T04:55:08Z

Without a leader you are nothing!!!...May you all be shod in cement and thereby caused to walk the plank whence you will descend 8 miles down into the very abysses of Tors Terwilliger and come under pressures so immense that the very atoms of your miserable carcasses implode in upon eachother tearing a yawning black hole in space/time into which your newly departed souls slip and fall screaming in new and unheard octaves forever and ever and ever and ever...
-FK

posted in NINJAS - 12 replies

the BU

2004-09-24T22:43:11Z

http://thelonelyisland.com/thebu.html

seen this? the main character has a secret.... he's a ninja
funny stuff

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

shampoo up the TOU

2004-09-23T23:51:52Z

Goddamn boring, small cocked virgins
fuck, shit, religious right, bitchass pussy's

don't read them if it makes you scared

you are boring and have no sense of humor,

walter you and you fuckass's are cunts,

i curse you.
i am making voodoo dolls right now to ninja chop with barbies.

i will find jefe and move the harem to soft porn site.
and you aren't invited.
you have to keep everything clean and sterile while you masterbate to
to women sucking off goats.

eat hungarian pussy,
gabor

posted in NINJAS - 16 replies

Purpose............

2004-09-20T07:48:53Z

Let's wait for Jefe to return. If he doesn't, we can decide to
1. vote on a new moderator and create a purpose for the tribe
2. create a new tribe
3. join one or two or three of the many other tribes.... One of which I moderate...... Princess' Castle.

posted in NINJAS - 20 replies

Jefe's missing...

2004-09-16T23:27:41Z

Where is that man?

posted in NINJAS - 34 replies

RONIN (!!!)

2004-09-15T20:57:11Z

what's the ninja equivalent of Ronin (??!!) anybody know? is there one? or are the ninja and samurai codes too different?

i kind of like the idea of being leaderless. Ninjas in Neverland.

or Wonderland. whichever...

("The Jefe is Dead! Long Live the Jefe!")

posted in NINJAS - 16 replies

Pick a new mod!

2004-09-11T12:57:43Z

We need a moderator for this tribe if we want to keep it alive, so I suppose it is time to vote on one and submit his or her ID to TOU Guy for approval.

I nominate Patrick Brown from 'Fight Club' tribe.

posted in NINJAS - 37 replies

what qualfies you to be a ninja?

2004-09-09T22:08:21Z

hmm? any thoughts? cos i duno if i am one.

posted in NINJAS - 9 replies

fighting tips

2004-09-09T22:06:41Z

all i know is:

- never go at the white ninja alone, without a comrade.

- if the white ninja stands next to something heavy-but-moveable (like a bookcase), don't charge at him.

- it can take one enemy ninja to take out 20 of our ninjas, but it takes one tranquilizer dart to take out the enemy ninja.

- never run at the white ninja with your comrade running at him the other way: the white ninja WILL duck. yes, this time too.

- when the victim is in a room and hears a disturbance (you, which by the way you failed because you're not supposed to make any sound), jump directly up to the ceiling and grab hold of the walls or rafters closest to you. and try not to sweat because then he or she will see the drop and you're just screwed then.

- never rely on smoke. this is my secret to you all. ninjas poof out of the room with their smoke bombs and it's just laziness. you're supposed to sneak without it. and when you HAVE to use a smooke bomb, it's that much more unexpected since the guards would've thought you would have to use it earlier. see, you have to think like the guard. oh yeah, that's my secret to you: think like the guard. not that smoke thing.

posted in NINJAS - 15 replies

INVITATION

2004-09-09T21:49:44Z

you know this tribe was and is pretty cool, as a matter of fact i changed the name of my tribe in honor, because of the uprising thoughts of this tribe falling. I have changed DXA to DDoN
(Dirt's Dynasty of Ninja's)
and i would like you all to feel welcome to come and be one of the clan
Keep Diggin
DIRT

http://www.tribe.net/tribe/servlet/template/pub,TribeCard.vm?tribeid=99c3c4c4-427a-49d4-9a0d-745b65b28b4e

posted in NINJAS - 5 replies

What a drag...

2004-09-08T19:27:05Z

Thanks for the laughs Jefe.
I'll lurk out here till someone else takes over or this tribe dies. Dont worry folks, You cant lose your Ninja training and if you ever need to touch base, your closest ninja is as far away as the nearest patch of shadow.

Monkey-death-san.

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

if the tribe falls...

2004-09-08T05:57:05Z

...then we lose all the hottie pics. i can't download 'em onto my laptop; my mom's regular screenings of my computer's content will surely pick them up.

help me!

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies

Jefus eez mist.

2004-09-07T23:42:19Z

Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming for to carry me home.

I looked over Jordan, and what did I see?
Coming for to carry me home,
A band of angels coming after me,
Coming for to carry me home.

If you get there before I do,
Coming for to carry me home,
Tell all my friends I’m coming, too.
Coming for to carry me home.

I’m sometimes up and sometimes down,
Coming for to carry me home,
But still my soul feels heavenly bound,
Coming for to carry me home.

The brightest day that I can say,
Coming for to carry me home,
When Jesus washed my sins away,
Coming for to carry me home.

posted in NINJAS - 1 reply

who has battled them?

2004-09-07T23:25:06Z

http://www.cheerleaderninjas.com/videoclips.html

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

honey,

2004-09-07T20:18:00Z

i have lost my right to list freely so my attention span is notably dwindling.

and so...

i have replaced your ass. your ass is fine and dandy but as i stated to you previously it is your ample bosom that intoxicates. alison's ass now stands atop us all with it's majesty hung on the holy banner.

any of you girls who would dare to attempt to topple alison from her perch are welcome to do so, but in so doing are doing so with the doing so doing at their own peril. this is a tuff chick to knock off her block.

i'm a wee bit drunk.

ah well.

jefe

posted in NINJAS - 14 replies

Meddling co-workers!!

2004-09-07T00:32:06Z

http://www.area51newmexico.com/ninja_index.html

posted in NINJAS - 8 replies

madame interview...

2004-09-07T00:26:22Z

when's the last time a cabbage asked you for a stick of gum?

posted in NINJAS - 2 replies

oh ninjas!!

2004-09-03T22:39:11Z

http://www.ninjaburger.com/quiz/><img src=http://www.ninjaburger.com/quiz/Clan_of_the_1000_Islands.jpg<br>
http://www.ninjaburger.com/quiz/ at the
http://www.ninjaburger.com

Which are you?

posted in NINJAS - 9 replies

Enemy pictures

2004-09-03T22:26:26Z

http://www.urbanninjas.tk/ Click Enemies

posted in NINJAS - 0 replies