Free Will and Determinism walk into a bar...

Dear Maya,

I'm just responding to a part of your post (I may respond to others parts later too).

Regarding the spiritual maturity and "high bliss states". I find the word "bliss" itself to be an indicator of immaturity. When bliss has any significance, even to be mentioned, it has not yet settled. At some point there was immense whirls of pain I called them my trauma processing days... and at some point there was this constant oceanic waves of orgasmic bliss moving through my body 24x7 for a few years.

Where I find myself in terms of emotions and triggers is that I have this constant state of wakeful-consciousness. Sleeping, awake, working/focused, relaxed, any state this part is always awake.

In terms of emotional maturity, there is a constant neutrality... it not detachment, nor is it sympathy/attachment... it is a state of compassion though there is a constant state of self-love (I love that you used this word). I'll make two examples:

1.) One of my two cats named Misha was found by my partner on a rail road behind our apartment complex. We do not know how, but the train had run over her neck, perfectly slicking her head from her body. I had her since she was 2 weeks old, she was now over 2 years old. I had her and her twin sister Sasha together. I went to bury her... at no point did I feel any sadness... rather I felt a great joy... this part of my that had so much love for her was now this empty space... and that empty space connected me even deeper with the truth that there is no death. This was in 2004.

2.) Yesterday my son who is 1 years old was crying through the whole night. My partner was laying next to him and very frustrated. I realized that whether my son just died in front of me, or was giggling in laughter my state would not change... it would remain the same stillness and presence... in this this neutral compassionate state... I laid next to him and placed my hand on his hand... in that moment in less than 2 seconds he took a long breath and fell asleep. Then I placed my hand on my partner, and she fell asleep. Then I walked back to my room and took my body to sleep state.

3.) In terms of folks on Tribe... the anger, people unsubscribed et all... there is just so much immaturity, such THICK EGO's lost in duality... and EVERYONE seems to think they are "enlightened", though not every individual consciousness has become aware that Essence is cognizant of itself and has built the "sacred space" for the Essence to emerge. I've tried and experimented and played with many different means to "thin" these EGO's... though it's no use most of the time... though on occasion I also get personal messages from people on different Tribe's telling me what I wrote really opened their hearts and they appreciated it.... though a lot of time I also realize this is because I just happened to have said something that justified to those people they are in fact also "enlightened"

I've gone through 3 years of intense psychological and meditation training with a Avadhut/Yogi (real one who spent many years living in south Indian jungles and Himalayas). Through that training I personally performed things which I had only read in books. Though all of that only got me to a certain stage which lead to Nirvikalpa Samadhi through classical means in 2004.


Later I began learning about the Awakening paths of Eckhart Tolle and Adya Shanti... they are both just the same. Not much needs to be said... they are very much about being Present, Here and Now. Very simple and very profound.

Following that I joined a closed Sufi path... one with an ancient lineage from Iran who do no advertising/marketing. A path with many secrets. I was initiated in that past for over two years, and during my training I was trained also intensely. After some point, I realized I must leave this path. I informed the Shaikh, and he said that if I leave this path he predicts I would become the master of another path. I have no such desires or pursuits.

I was trained in two ancient and classical paths. Along the way I also spent a year training with a Native American Shaman... out in the middle of no where! I was the only non-native american. I was trained, and a number of totems came through. Many many shamanic journeys, and meetings with different energetic beings that taught me many things.

Along the journey I met many other teachers and learned small things here and there, both in the physical and astral realms. After my Indian teacher went back to India, he continued teaching me through the Astral plane. One time, my cell phone began ringing while I was in the astral plane talking with him so I left the state. After the call, I picked up my phone and I called him in India... we continued the same astral plane conversation over the regular telephone. That is how clear these communications are.... absolutely CRYSTAL clear.

While doing all of this, I've been very much grounded in the ordinary life. I have two kids, a loving partner whom we are in an open-relationship, and I've been running my own business for last the 6 years which is doing quite well now. I've managed to keep all of these things balanced together which has been a very intense journey.

Presently I have a friend/teacher whom I would certainly give the title of being a Master of Masters when it comes to Energy Work and Awareness. He has helped me to dive much deeper in that I could have ever imagined. And it just keeps getting better.

I still do not feel I know much... I have much to learn... and I'm comfortable acting immature... I feel at ease to make a typo and spell something wrong and move on from it without having to go back and keep correcting it so I look "mature" in my posts... I'm just being real... we need not expect people who have woken up to always act "mature"

So I'm exploring things like "Stupidity" "Humor" and I found when Intelligence is born from Stupidity, it becomes "wit" So I'm just having fun and discovering things all the time as to how this new consciousness that has recently opened up plays with itself.

Things like "determinism" still don't make sense for example... even though in 2002 I saw every significant life transformation that would happen to me in 2004. Even though I've seen what will happen to me in 2008, in 2012, and most significantly in 2034... even though I continue to have dreams that show me what will happen the next week, next month... though I even write these dreams as emails and send them to close friends like my partner... then we watch them all come up true... I still do not see determinism to be true. Kind of strange don't you think? There's a lot more to this rabbit hole than meets the eye.

If in fact Charles' stance on determinism is out of true inner-knowledge, I am humbled by his realization. Of course there is also the strong possibility that he's just being very structured and unable to perceive beyond a certain matrix he has fixed within his mind. Though, it's not just Charles... I've read folks like Ramana Maharshi talk about determinism (in their own words of course). So there is enough credible folks having talked about this... so the question keeps burning... and I'm not satisfied with any "understandings". I must find it myself within.

Of course... by nature of duplicity, Essence will phase from wakefulness to sleep, back and forth it will go. The bridge in between is being constructed and improved.