I was often described as someone who had the disease of introspection. When the love of my childhood, Rochelle, told me, "Andrew, I love you dearly, but it's time to play," I knew that it was time to lighten up. I did that for a while by smoking a lot of pot. I was so uptight and had to control every little detail. Everything was a matter of managing perception. My upbringing taught me to be hyper-vigilant on the lookout to prevent people from seeing behind the nice little private school christian boy that was a facade covering up my attraction to men. In the later years, as I began to deal with my issues in therapy and through organizations like the Mankind Project and HAI, I have come to relax a lot more. But I still find that it is difficult to find a many dimensional man who makes my flutter and keeps me off-kilter. A man who doesn't mind crying in front of me or with me. Who wants to be fully present through the good times and the bad times. I have also found that sometimes a man who I seem to click with online, in person it is a totally different story. Isn't that strange? Has anyone else had that experience? Anyways, I guess I'm just casting my bread upon the waters and seeing what returns to me. I often say that "if sex is 90% in the head, then I'm looking for a few good minds." I am a jack of all trades admin, qa lab tech, email mktng campaign administrator with a passion for writing songs, plays, screenplays and novels. You can hear some of my music and get to know my heart a little bit more by going to www.myspace.com/librettistly...stsongwriter. Thanks for your time and consideration. Drew
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Re: Holding my interest... Pleasant Hill, California
Sun, March 9, 2008 - 7:29 PMI remember talking with a guy on my floor in the dorm one day and him saying, "Yeah, there is a benefit to developing the ability to be superficial now and then." Finally, 30 years later, I'm feeling as though I've become pretty good at it--there are not nearly so many people as there used to be who feel the need to tell me, "Would you just LIGHTEN UP???"
But now I've lucked into a boyfriend whose brain gives me woodies all the time, *and* he has a marvelous ability to be silly and whimsical and childlike.
*Very* well articulated, I'd say, your description of your hypervigilance about managing perception in school.
Congratulations on getting past that!
Cheers, and welcome to this tribe.
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Re: Holding my interest... Pleasant Hill, California
Mon, March 17, 2008 - 2:25 PMI sooooo completely understand!!!
What you've descibed sounds a lot like my experience growing up. Just replace Catholic with Mormon and you could be describing my own experience for the most part.
As to finding the right guy, they ususally show up when you give up and stop looking for them!...It's a very annoying habit they all have.
Leo
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Meeting onliners in the Real world
Sun, March 23, 2008 - 11:05 AMInteresting point about the dichotomy between people online and in the real world. I've had many such experiences - talking to someone who appears witty, urbane, stimulating online and then meeting for a coffee (not even as a date) which turns out to be incredibly awkward as we grapple for something to say and hope wildly for an earthquake or something so we have an excuse to leave.
I'm aware that we project postive aspects onto the person before we meet - and that many other factors (eg: his hyena laugh; body odour; tendency to lean in too close etc.) are not accessible. But still - you'd think there'd be something? And isn't it amazing how people don't look like their photos? I'm talking about recent legit photos they've posted. Photography can play amazing tricks.
So now I'm very wary and usually decline invitations to meet. I want the cyberfantasy version of our friendship to endure - and not be destroyed like a cake left out in the rain.
